Nervous ramblings from the Mad Heretic - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pan6467 · 01-30-2006, 09:29 PM

So I will be bet free for 7 years. In that time other than hospital bills I have managed to wipe out all my bad credit and have been relatively debt free (college loans don't count, because as long as I am in I don't have to pay them.) I own my 2 cars outright, granted they aren't classics but they run well and look decent. My rent and bills get paid on time and I have enough money to live a comfortable lifestyle.

But now I want to buy the house and fulfill my dream of running a therapeutic community. In doing so I am taking a 100% mortgage on the house and I am scared to death.

I worry my friend is taking advantage of me. I worry that I'm not ready for the debt or for the task at hand. I worry that I won't find the people to fill the house. I worry that I"ll get bad seeds that will turn my house into a meth lab and take advantage of my naivity and being a nice guy.

I worry that I worry too much.

I wonder if I am ready or not for this.

I worry the housing market will crash when I buy this house and I'll be bogged down with unGodly payments for a house I could never sell to clear the motgage.

I worry that being around addiction 24/7 will eventually take its toll on me.

But most of all I worry if I don't do this that I may never have another chance and that I shall go through life forever wondering "what if?"

Right now I am scared to death and I just do not know which way I should go with all this.

Anyone have any stories of their moment of truth and change and how you dealt with the questions? Or advice........

Martian · 01-30-2006, 09:42 PM

Life is risk. It's the way it goes. Of course you're nervous, it's a big commitment. If it's the right thing to do, you do it anyway.

I say buy the house, open it up and don't look back. Money is only money; there's always ways to make more. You'll feel better looking back saying "y'know, I did my best to make it work" than you will saying "I wonder if...?"

maleficent · 01-31-2006, 03:01 AM

without sounding like i'm making a joke-- this is a huge gamble you are taking... but the reward will outweigh the risks.... Act as ye have faith and faith shall be given to you -- if you believe you can do this -- then you can...

Plummie · 01-31-2006, 03:21 AM

Before you take the plunge, have you thoroughly researched what it takes to run a therapeutic community? Do you need to pay a staff? What about insurance? Are there any competitors in the market (in your area)? Do you have all the financial and legal logistics worked out? There are so many things to consider!

I would be hesitant to go into business with a friend, if I was worried they were taking advantage of me. In fact, if there is any doubt in your mind or unease about moving forward, then I would step back and do more research until you feel you are 100% ready. Once you feel comfortable, then as I see it - nothing ventured, nothing gained. It sounds like a great idea and could be very rewarding for you.

pan6467 · 01-31-2006, 06:09 PM

Thanks all for the kind words, I go tomorrow to sign the loan papers, everything but the actual closing.

Tomorrow will tell the story as I am going to have to tell my friend all the promises he has made need to be in writing and notarized. Otherwise no deal. I know I can get the loan now so I can shop around for a house that may have a better feel. (Redoing the whole basement stairs, professionally clean the carpets and apartments, cut the doors for air flow, pay for the land survey, have pest control check it out, etc.) He gave me a list of what he will do, I just need something that will hold up in court, if he is trying to swindle me.

I am very trusting and caring for my friends but everyone at work and my family is worried I'm going to be taken and those fears have worn off on me...... but business is business and I must protect myself, even if it is a friend...... God I never thought those words would come from me..... I can give advice to others to do it, but I never have and I have been taken advantage of a lot in my life. Time for me to listen to my own advice.

maleficent · 02-01-2006, 04:56 AM

Quote:

business is business

Damn right there skippy...

It would probably be in your best interest to have some sort of contract drawn up by a lawyer. the nominal amount it would cost would protect you in the end. An actual contract would hold up in court a lot better than just a notarized piece of paper.

Rodney · 02-01-2006, 10:40 AM

I agree. Anybody who's 100 percent honest will sign on paper what he said in a handshake. He'll make the commitment real. A lot of people, especially friends, are about 95 percent honest; they'll try to do the right thing, but if they can't deliver easily, they'll try to weasel out of it: "I hope you'll understand: we're friends, right?" And that doesn't cut it for you when you're 100 percent extended on a deal. That's why the piece of paper, real and notarized.

It also helps you keep your friend. Maybe when he looks at it all down there in black and white, he realizes he might not be able to do everything he promised, or that it would cost more than he thought. And he can back out, after discussion, and you can both still be friends.

As for moments of truth: I was once in a bad spot in my life -- crappy job I hated, overweight, at odds with my friends -- and I asked myself what I was willing to do to get to a better place. How far I was willing to go to get what I want, how hard I was willing to try to get out of that place of pain. I kind of went into a meditative trance for an hour or so. Very weird experience. I was standing in the bow of a ferry crossing from a town I didn't know to another town I didn't know -- heading into the unknown -- and maybe that put me into the right mindset.

And I made some decisions then that guided me well for the next few years -- stayed with the crappy job long enough to become debt free and move on to other things, rearranged my life so I could lose weight, and so on.

01-30-2006, 09:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Nervous ramblings from the Mad Heretic So I will be bet free for 7 years. In that time other than hospital bills I have managed to wipe out all my bad credit and have been relatively debt free (college loans don't count, because as long as I am in I don't have to pay them.) I own my 2 cars outright, granted they aren't classics but they run well and look decent. My rent and bills get paid on time and I have enough money to live a comfortable lifestyle. But now I want to buy the house and fulfill my dream of running a therapeutic community. In doing so I am taking a 100% mortgage on the house and I am scared to death. I worry my friend is taking advantage of me. I worry that I'm not ready for the debt or for the task at hand. I worry that I won't find the people to fill the house. I worry that I"ll get bad seeds that will turn my house into a meth lab and take advantage of my naivity and being a nice guy. I worry that I worry too much. I wonder if I am ready or not for this. I worry the housing market will crash when I buy this house and I'll be bogged down with unGodly payments for a house I could never sell to clear the motgage. I worry that being around addiction 24/7 will eventually take its toll on me. But most of all I worry if I don't do this that I may never have another chance and that I shall go through life forever wondering "what if?" Right now I am scared to death and I just do not know which way I should go with all this. Anyone have any stories of their moment of truth and change and how you dealt with the questions? Or advice........ __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

01-30-2006, 09:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Life is risk. It's the way it goes. Of course you're nervous, it's a big commitment. If it's the right thing to do, you do it anyway. I say buy the house, open it up and don't look back. Money is only money; there's always ways to make more. You'll feel better looking back saying "y'know, I did my best to make it work" than you will saying "I wonder if...?" __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

01-31-2006, 03:01 AM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	without sounding like i'm making a joke-- this is a huge gamble you are taking... but the reward will outweigh the risks.... Act as ye have faith and faith shall be given to you -- if you believe you can do this -- then you can... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-31-2006, 03:21 AM	#4 (permalink)
Plummie Liquid Diamonds Location: Lexington, KY	Before you take the plunge, have you thoroughly researched what it takes to run a therapeutic community? Do you need to pay a staff? What about insurance? Are there any competitors in the market (in your area)? Do you have all the financial and legal logistics worked out? There are so many things to consider! I would be hesitant to go into business with a friend, if I was worried they were taking advantage of me. In fact, if there is any doubt in your mind or unease about moving forward, then I would step back and do more research until you feel you are 100% ready. Once you feel comfortable, then as I see it - nothing ventured, nothing gained. It sounds like a great idea and could be very rewarding for you. __________________ Kim

01-31-2006, 06:09 PM	#5 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Thanks all for the kind words, I go tomorrow to sign the loan papers, everything but the actual closing. Tomorrow will tell the story as I am going to have to tell my friend all the promises he has made need to be in writing and notarized. Otherwise no deal. I know I can get the loan now so I can shop around for a house that may have a better feel. (Redoing the whole basement stairs, professionally clean the carpets and apartments, cut the doors for air flow, pay for the land survey, have pest control check it out, etc.) He gave me a list of what he will do, I just need something that will hold up in court, if he is trying to swindle me. I am very trusting and caring for my friends but everyone at work and my family is worried I'm going to be taken and those fears have worn off on me...... but business is business and I must protect myself, even if it is a friend...... God I never thought those words would come from me..... I can give advice to others to do it, but I never have and I have been taken advantage of a lot in my life. Time for me to listen to my own advice. __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

02-01-2006, 10:40 AM	#7 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	I agree. Anybody who's 100 percent honest will sign on paper what he said in a handshake. He'll make the commitment real. A lot of people, especially friends, are about 95 percent honest; they'll try to do the right thing, but if they can't deliver easily, they'll try to weasel out of it: "I hope you'll understand: we're friends, right?" And that doesn't cut it for you when you're 100 percent extended on a deal. That's why the piece of paper, real and notarized. It also helps you keep your friend. Maybe when he looks at it all down there in black and white, he realizes he might not be able to do everything he promised, or that it would cost more than he thought. And he can back out, after discussion, and you can both still be friends. As for moments of truth: I was once in a bad spot in my life -- crappy job I hated, overweight, at odds with my friends -- and I asked myself what I was willing to do to get to a better place. How far I was willing to go to get what I want, how hard I was willing to try to get out of that place of pain. I kind of went into a meditative trance for an hour or so. Very weird experience. I was standing in the bow of a ferry crossing from a town I didn't know to another town I didn't know -- heading into the unknown -- and maybe that put me into the right mindset. And I made some decisions then that guided me well for the next few years -- stayed with the crappy job long enough to become debt free and move on to other things, rearranged my life so I could lose weight, and so on.