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sexymama · 02-27-2004, 05:59 PM

Ignoring the tantrums and outbreaks is definitely one positive way to go. Children at this age may suddenly realize that they have personal power. As such, they need to test it out to find the boundaries. If you remain calm and consistent and build in as much routine as possible, then she will feel safer and more empowerd.

When she is upset, one way to help her calm down is to name colors and objects as quickly as possible. (Red shoe, black blouse, green sofa, etc.) I used this technique with my daughter when she went through this stage. After she calmed down, I helped her label her feelings. (You sound frustrated right now. You were angry, etc.) Then I would tell her that we all feel frustrated, angry, hurt, etc. sometimes and that is okay; however, what we do with those feelings matter. I would give her two healthy choices to help her deal. (Would you like to go outside and scream really loud or would you like to draw a picture?) Once she calmed down, if possible (and it wasn't always) we would talk a about what was going on for her. She may not have always understood and I never pushed it. Also, I never asked her why she felt the way she did as that would put her on the defensive and she was much to young to put a finger on it. (Heck, sometimes I still don't know why I feel the way I do.)

This technique takes a lot of work. But I support it tremendously! I knew it was working when one day she came to me and whimpered, "colors mom, colors." Also, now at the "wise" age of 10 she is very capable of labeling her feelings and dealing with them. I'm proud of just how healthy she is!

02-27-2004, 05:59 PM	#11 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Ignoring the tantrums and outbreaks is definitely one positive way to go. Children at this age may suddenly realize that they have personal power. As such, they need to test it out to find the boundaries. If you remain calm and consistent and build in as much routine as possible, then she will feel safer and more empowerd. When she is upset, one way to help her calm down is to name colors and objects as quickly as possible. (Red shoe, black blouse, green sofa, etc.) I used this technique with my daughter when she went through this stage. After she calmed down, I helped her label her feelings. (You sound frustrated right now. You were angry, etc.) Then I would tell her that we all feel frustrated, angry, hurt, etc. sometimes and that is okay; however, what we do with those feelings matter. I would give her two healthy choices to help her deal. (Would you like to go outside and scream really loud or would you like to draw a picture?) Once she calmed down, if possible (and it wasn't always) we would talk a about what was going on for her. She may not have always understood and I never pushed it. Also, I never asked her why she felt the way she did as that would put her on the defensive and she was much to young to put a finger on it. (Heck, sometimes I still don't know why I feel the way I do.) This technique takes a lot of work. But I support it tremendously! I knew it was working when one day she came to me and whimpered, "colors mom, colors." Also, now at the "wise" age of 10 she is very capable of labeling her feelings and dealing with them. I'm proud of just how healthy she is! __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection. Last edited by sexymama; 02-27-2004 at 06:03 PM..