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Old 02-24-2004, 06:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul:::
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There's a lot of things to consider here. Take responsibility in this- that you chose to get married- for better or for worse.
Also, people can change, but they can also tend to not be completely honest about some issues only because they don't want to hurt another person's feelings. She probably told you now because you are married now and that she may think that you can't back out now, since you are commited in this marriage. You took the vows saying so. If these issues were neglected prior to getting married, it probably wasn't wise in getting married then.
I suugest seeing a therapist and trying to find a compromise- a solution- a positive outlook on this.
You can't ever say that it is a "deal-breaker", because there was no "deal" to begin with, from the sounds of things.
How much did you two really discuss having another child/adopting?
Quote:
She wanted some security (i.e. marriage to me) before she'd have kids.
and
Quote:
I got married with the hope that I'd have my own family.
make me wonder about the reasons of the marriage. I am sure you do love her and want to be married to her, but maybe not for the right reasons. Same goes for her. But divorcing so soon gives up the chance of something actually working out. Who knows, she may decide to one day adopt with you, just not right now. This is all new to her, being a long-time single mom and now being in a marriage- that is a drastic change, so I can see why having more children can seem like throwing more weight on the carriage. Start looking at her point of view and talking with her about it. Have her try to see yours. Like I said, seeing a therapist is more worth the try that seeing a divorce lawyer so soon.
Also, another VERY IMPORTANT factor to keep in mind is the child. What will this do to the child if he sees his mother and stepfather split after such a short marriage? You came into his life, and I gather he adores you as a father figure. Now you want to take that away from him all because of the differences you and your new wife have at this time, which could possibly work out or change for the better?
Give it thought and don't EVER give up. Realize what feels good to you and whether you want to try at this or walk out.
 
 

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