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sapiens · 02-24-2004, 02:44 PM

Wow. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. It's very hard to raise a child (as I'm sure you know). It's very easy to give advice. I'm probably telling you things that you already know. So, take whatever I say with a grain of salt.

Personally, I would ignore the tantrums entirely while they occur (as long as she isn't hurting herself, others, or property). Don't give her any reinforcement for negative behaviors. Attention can be reinforcing. Spankings can be reinforcing. If you have to send her to her room, make sure that there are no toys in the room to play with, etc. (I know people who send their kids to their room as punishment. The child's room has a tv, computer, nintendo, etc. That is not punishment). Basically, remove all rewards for negative behavior.

Once she calms down, I would talk to her about what happened. (She might not know herself what made her "go off"). I would identify the specific behaviors that she was exhibiting that were troubling, identify what you think she might have been feeling, and ask her if that was what she was feeling. Try to figure out what set it off. Get her to confirm the cause. If that works. Try to work out with her what specific behaviors would have solved her
problem more effectively. If she messed up the house, if she covered the bathroom in shit, make sure that she has to clean it up before she gets any reinforcement (no TV, no video games, no toys, no playing with friends, etc.) Never clean up her messes.

Another important thing to do is REINFORCE POSITIVE BEHAVIORS. Make sure she gets lots and lots of attention for behaving appropriately. Reward positive behavior with whatever your daughter likes. You might try making her earn the things that she normally gets for free.

Also, keep your word. If you set consequences for certain types of misbehavior, follow through. Be patient and loving, but also be strong.

Again, it's very hard to raise a child. It's very easy to give advice. So, take whatever I say with a grain of salt.

One last thing: You titled your post: "My Brat". In my opinion, all kids are brats (including my own daughter). It doesn't make you love them any less (as I'm sure you have experienced). You are not alone.

02-24-2004, 02:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
sapiens Junkie Location: Some place windy	Wow. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. It's very hard to raise a child (as I'm sure you know). It's very easy to give advice. I'm probably telling you things that you already know. So, take whatever I say with a grain of salt. Personally, I would ignore the tantrums entirely while they occur (as long as she isn't hurting herself, others, or property). Don't give her any reinforcement for negative behaviors. Attention can be reinforcing. Spankings can be reinforcing. If you have to send her to her room, make sure that there are no toys in the room to play with, etc. (I know people who send their kids to their room as punishment. The child's room has a tv, computer, nintendo, etc. That is not punishment). Basically, remove all rewards for negative behavior. Once she calms down, I would talk to her about what happened. (She might not know herself what made her "go off"). I would identify the specific behaviors that she was exhibiting that were troubling, identify what you think she might have been feeling, and ask her if that was what she was feeling. Try to figure out what set it off. Get her to confirm the cause. If that works. Try to work out with her what specific behaviors would have solved her problem more effectively. If she messed up the house, if she covered the bathroom in shit, make sure that she has to clean it up before she gets any reinforcement (no TV, no video games, no toys, no playing with friends, etc.) Never clean up her messes. Another important thing to do is REINFORCE POSITIVE BEHAVIORS. Make sure she gets lots and lots of attention for behaving appropriately. Reward positive behavior with whatever your daughter likes. You might try making her earn the things that she normally gets for free. Also, keep your word. If you set consequences for certain types of misbehavior, follow through. Be patient and loving, but also be strong. Again, it's very hard to raise a child. It's very easy to give advice. So, take whatever I say with a grain of salt. One last thing: You titled your post: "My Brat". In my opinion, all kids are brats (including my own daughter). It doesn't make you love them any less (as I'm sure you have experienced). You are not alone. Last edited by sapiens; 02-24-2004 at 02:48 PM..