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skysooner · 02-10-2004, 07:38 AM

This is very common. My wife used to get orgasms all the time when we were just messing around prior to marriage (she was a virgin but she could get herself off by kind of hitting the right spot). Later on she would occasionally get an orgasm through oral or through intercourse. She had such hangups about sex that she thought that this was normal. She could still orgasm through self-masturbation. I always kind of wondered why she wasn't into the sex as much as I was. She wasn't getting off regularly so it was more of a chore for her than anything else. Part of it was also my fault as we weren't spending as much quality time together as we should have. This was new to me as well as I had never really dated a virgin and the girls I was going out with were much more comfortable about their sexuality and would tell me what they needed.

Anyway, fast forward to a few years back. On vacation, our sex life would get hot and heavy when we didn't have the kids around and then it would taper off quickly once we got back. It took a lot to convince her that I was absolutely interested in her pleasure and would she let me watch her masturbate. After a couple of days, she agreed. It was a real turn on to watch her do it, but she swore it was a one time deal. A couple of more weeks go by, and I convince her to let me help her out during sex so that she could orgasm without having to worry about getting it through intercourse since her orgasms mostly come through clitoral stimulation. This was kind of our break-through moment sexually. She showed me what she needed to get off. We would try it, and she just couldn't relax enough to let herself go to me. I think the first time took 18 minutes of manipulation before she finally got off. Improvement was rapid and now it takes about 1/5 of that time. She will tell me what she needs (i.e. pressure, movement or location) while I am doing it. Her orgasms are now both more intense and longer.

We are also slowly working on positions that give her the most sexual gratification during intercourse. This is after 13 years of marriage when I would say the first 7 or 8 years were good but kind of humdrum compared to now. The lesson here is open communication. It can take a LONG time to get it done, but it is something you have to be mildly persistent at if you want your sex life to improve.

02-10-2004, 07:38 AM	#9 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	This is very common. My wife used to get orgasms all the time when we were just messing around prior to marriage (she was a virgin but she could get herself off by kind of hitting the right spot). Later on she would occasionally get an orgasm through oral or through intercourse. She had such hangups about sex that she thought that this was normal. She could still orgasm through self-masturbation. I always kind of wondered why she wasn't into the sex as much as I was. She wasn't getting off regularly so it was more of a chore for her than anything else. Part of it was also my fault as we weren't spending as much quality time together as we should have. This was new to me as well as I had never really dated a virgin and the girls I was going out with were much more comfortable about their sexuality and would tell me what they needed. Anyway, fast forward to a few years back. On vacation, our sex life would get hot and heavy when we didn't have the kids around and then it would taper off quickly once we got back. It took a lot to convince her that I was absolutely interested in her pleasure and would she let me watch her masturbate. After a couple of days, she agreed. It was a real turn on to watch her do it, but she swore it was a one time deal. A couple of more weeks go by, and I convince her to let me help her out during sex so that she could orgasm without having to worry about getting it through intercourse since her orgasms mostly come through clitoral stimulation. This was kind of our break-through moment sexually. She showed me what she needed to get off. We would try it, and she just couldn't relax enough to let herself go to me. I think the first time took 18 minutes of manipulation before she finally got off. Improvement was rapid and now it takes about 1/5 of that time. She will tell me what she needs (i.e. pressure, movement or location) while I am doing it. Her orgasms are now both more intense and longer. We are also slowly working on positions that give her the most sexual gratification during intercourse. This is after 13 years of marriage when I would say the first 7 or 8 years were good but kind of humdrum compared to now. The lesson here is open communication. It can take a LONG time to get it done, but it is something you have to be mildly persistent at if you want your sex life to improve.