bayn

Hey everyone, I'm new to the board and im just wondering if i could get a spot of advice from you all. Well my girlfriend and I just started going out recently. To date, the furthest i've got with her is fingering her.. This is very enjoyable for both of us but evertime she gets near orgasm.. she asks me to stop.. Could she be shy?
What can I do to make her feel more comfortable... I've thought about asking her why she always wants to stop and try to make her feel more secure.. but I need ideas!

Thanks.

shoe

This is the only way for her to be more confortable. Communication, be open about it and talk freely. Express yourselves.

bayn

Thanks alot, I'll do that.

Harshaw

I had a girlfriend who would do this also. She would get pretty messy ( i.e. dripping wet on the bed) if the fingering or licking was intense.. I think it embarased her. I wonder if that is what is going on here.

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tuffrr

I assume that if this is as far as you have got, then its something that is perhaps new to her and she is (naturally) a little embarassed by it.
As suggested above, just talk about it and things will work themselves out.

bayn

Very insigtful annalysis..
You're right by the way, any other idea's?

macmanmike6100

my girlfriend used to be like that -- she was basically a sexual newbie at the time (not any more! hehe) -- it was just that she wasn't used to the intensity of pleasure. I helped her become more comfortable with it and talked her into letting herself go; she's much more comfortable with her sexuality now

phathom

ya, communication is definately the key here, my fiance used to be the same way, actually for about 9 months of us going out, she wouldn't really allow herself to be pushed to the edge, then one day we sat down and I held her close to me and fingered the hell out of her for about a hour, she came at least 100 times during that hour, after that she completely loves it, it opened her up to it and now she finds it easier to cum when I give her oral and when we're having sex. I find it that with girls I've dated, a lot of girls havn't had an orgasm, they think they have, but then once they really experience one they are like what was that, I never had that before. Keyword communication, and also knowing the right way to hit her sensitive spots helps too, also a loving relationship and trust in one another is really great with that too, give it time, it will cum :-)

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skysooner

This is very common. My wife used to get orgasms all the time when we were just messing around prior to marriage (she was a virgin but she could get herself off by kind of hitting the right spot). Later on she would occasionally get an orgasm through oral or through intercourse. She had such hangups about sex that she thought that this was normal. She could still orgasm through self-masturbation. I always kind of wondered why she wasn't into the sex as much as I was. She wasn't getting off regularly so it was more of a chore for her than anything else. Part of it was also my fault as we weren't spending as much quality time together as we should have. This was new to me as well as I had never really dated a virgin and the girls I was going out with were much more comfortable about their sexuality and would tell me what they needed.

Anyway, fast forward to a few years back. On vacation, our sex life would get hot and heavy when we didn't have the kids around and then it would taper off quickly once we got back. It took a lot to convince her that I was absolutely interested in her pleasure and would she let me watch her masturbate. After a couple of days, she agreed. It was a real turn on to watch her do it, but she swore it was a one time deal. A couple of more weeks go by, and I convince her to let me help her out during sex so that she could orgasm without having to worry about getting it through intercourse since her orgasms mostly come through clitoral stimulation. This was kind of our break-through moment sexually. She showed me what she needed to get off. We would try it, and she just couldn't relax enough to let herself go to me. I think the first time took 18 minutes of manipulation before she finally got off. Improvement was rapid and now it takes about 1/5 of that time. She will tell me what she needs (i.e. pressure, movement or location) while I am doing it. Her orgasms are now both more intense and longer.

We are also slowly working on positions that give her the most sexual gratification during intercourse. This is after 13 years of marriage when I would say the first 7 or 8 years were good but kind of humdrum compared to now. The lesson here is open communication. It can take a LONG time to get it done, but it is something you have to be mildly persistent at if you want your sex life to improve.

absorbentishe

She could be just afraid of losing control? But as stated before, communication is the key. Once she relaxes enough, she'll be able to enjoy the pleasure, but when you talk to her, be really nice about it.

bayn

Thanks for all the tips.. I was going to go over to her house today and see her, but she had to leave town for a few hours.

I will defenitly use alot of this advice thanks alot!

bt8624

Thats what I was thinking....or she just might not be ready to "let herself go". that might be a deeper relationship level to her...be patient my man....the reward should be sweet!