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sorry too hear that redrum. i have never lost my first love but i have been through a friends suicide and i never went to his funeral. i regret everyday that i never went to his funeral, but i made the wrong decision at the time (i should have come home instead of spending time with my ex).
although i can offer no other words to help, im deeply sorry dude. i know how i would feel if the same thing happened to me and i dont think i could function.
godbless and you will make the right decision for you in the end.
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Impostor of the imposturous
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