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Im sorry for your loss, and I understand exactly what you are going through. I lost my first love while we were still together. I still think that we would have lasted forever if it werent for death.
Go to the service to pay your respects, it is the highest respect you can offer someone after they have passed.
I still have nights I cant sleep, and I remember for my first year after she was gone I couldnt function, I was shellshocked for 6 months.
Take this advice, go see a psychiatrist, it will be the best thing for you right now, this kind of loss is the worst a spirit can endure.
And as best you can, dont do the 'what if' game, it is self defeating, and impossible, I am sure that you did all you could for her while she was alive. Put aside your differences with the husband, go to the funeral, and get help.
I've been there, and I'm only barely here to talk to you thanks to some very good friends.
Losing someone you love, someone who was a part of you is a terrible thing. Please feel free to find me on a messaging program (see profile) or hop on #tfp, Im almost always watching if you need a hand.
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