Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

wilbjammin · 01-31-2004, 11:59 AM

" 'Whatever does not kill me strengthens me.' Yes, but . . . And how painful it is to dream of happiness. The crushing weight of it all. Better to say nothing and pay attention to everything else." - Camus, Notebooks

This is the very first entry in Camus' notebook for 1942. I have spent a lot of time thinking about it, because I don't think it is an accident that this is the first entry. I think he had this on his mind for a long time, and it certainly was the obvious choice for him to put on the page first.

What strikes me is when he says "say nothing and pay attention to everything else." I think we get too caught up in a singular goal that miss out on enjoying life at all, because we're trying to hard for happiness in one thing that we end up being entirely dependent on.

I know just how you feel. I had an intense relationship that was wrought with gigantic ups and gigantic downs and she broke up with me by simply not responding to me at all until I finally threatened to call her in an e-mail and she wrote back:

"Will

Just let me go.

-S"

We go from intimacy to her not even wanting to be friends at all, or even having to deal with me. I was angry, but I'm fine now. What you have to realize is that there is something wrong with this kind of behavior. You may think you're better off with someone who's jerking you around, because at times she seems sincere or you get good sex or something... but I propose that you're better off alone. There are many people that don't know how to handle intimacy - they push people away, test them, and do everything they can to prove that their problem is actually the other person's. If your ex is like that, I imagine that she does care, but that she does her best not to think about it. This is really common in our society, and I would imagine that if this keeps happening to you it is because you have some subconscious draw to girls like this. You might try to re-evaluate where you find girls and what attracts you to them. That was hard for me, because I found that I really liked girls with serious problems. But now that I know that, I knew how to steer away from it.

Taking time to find what makes you happy on your own - learning how to live with yourself - will make every aspect of your life much better. I'm not desperately searching for affirmation, for love, or anything. I'm confident, and when other parts of my life don't work out, I'm ok even if it hurts for a little while.

I'm not saying that it is easy, but there are things you can do if you just start with yourself and realize that this isn't your fault entirely. You were in a situation with someone who made it impossible for relationship to succeed, that certainly isn't anything you could fix.

01-31-2004, 11:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	" 'Whatever does not kill me strengthens me.' Yes, but . . . And how painful it is to dream of happiness. The crushing weight of it all. Better to say nothing and pay attention to everything else." - Camus, Notebooks This is the very first entry in Camus' notebook for 1942. I have spent a lot of time thinking about it, because I don't think it is an accident that this is the first entry. I think he had this on his mind for a long time, and it certainly was the obvious choice for him to put on the page first. What strikes me is when he says "say nothing and pay attention to everything else." I think we get too caught up in a singular goal that miss out on enjoying life at all, because we're trying to hard for happiness in one thing that we end up being entirely dependent on. I know just how you feel. I had an intense relationship that was wrought with gigantic ups and gigantic downs and she broke up with me by simply not responding to me at all until I finally threatened to call her in an e-mail and she wrote back: "Will Just let me go. -S" We go from intimacy to her not even wanting to be friends at all, or even having to deal with me. I was angry, but I'm fine now. What you have to realize is that there is something wrong with this kind of behavior. You may think you're better off with someone who's jerking you around, because at times she seems sincere or you get good sex or something... but I propose that you're better off alone. There are many people that don't know how to handle intimacy - they push people away, test them, and do everything they can to prove that their problem is actually the other person's. If your ex is like that, I imagine that she does care, but that she does her best not to think about it. This is really common in our society, and I would imagine that if this keeps happening to you it is because you have some subconscious draw to girls like this. You might try to re-evaluate where you find girls and what attracts you to them. That was hard for me, because I found that I really liked girls with serious problems. But now that I know that, I knew how to steer away from it. Taking time to find what makes you happy on your own - learning how to live with yourself - will make every aspect of your life much better. I'm not desperately searching for affirmation, for love, or anything. I'm confident, and when other parts of my life don't work out, I'm ok even if it hurts for a little while. I'm not saying that it is easy, but there are things you can do if you just start with yourself and realize that this isn't your fault entirely. You were in a situation with someone who made it impossible for relationship to succeed, that certainly isn't anything you could fix. __________________ Innominate.