Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Personal Statement For College Application

dimbulb · 01-30-2004, 01:31 PM

I believe that I have what it takes to succeed at the University of Tennessee. I feel like I have good knowledge to share and utilize while on campus.[ Tell us more about what knowledge you want to share.] I am also fairly certain that I have more maturity than many other students and friends of my age. I like to think I’m an enjoyable person to be around as well. For my personal statement, I'd[ do NOT use I’d in a formal essay. “I would” is much better…] like to try to convince you that I deserve to be enrolled in UT.

I feel like I am very intelligent. I had a 23 on my ACT the first time I took it. My friends often consider me as under-rated when it comes to knowledge and understanding. Teachers have often told me that I speak, act, and think better than I should for my age. With all that considered, although I’m undoubtedly no genius right now, I am ready to unleash what potential I have and become a good student at UT.[ I don’t like this paragraph. It sounds like you are trying to make excuses. Don’t tell them that you are no genius. Tell them why you are intelligent. Why are you under-rated? How have you gone out of your way to gain knowledge and understanding? Ask your teachers to write letters of reference.!!!]

I truly think that, for my age, I have matured exceptionally well. I was raised in a loving and caring family that would allow nothing less from me. Teachers have praised me for my attitude while coaches have appreciated the dedication and effort I have given. I try hard to keep a respectable image to match my attitude, too. [What sort of attitude? Work ethic? Work ethic is good. Try to think of a time when you showed dedication and effort. Preferably something well and beyond the call of duty] I truly think that I would represent UT very well and never become an embarrassment to your college’s good name.[ Don’t talk about embarrassing the college. Talk about enhancing the name of the college.]

I try my very hardest to be as great of a man as I can be for other people, and people appreciate it. I have been known to keep a friend from attempting suicide, and gained another friend the same way. My friends and acquaintances continuously tell me that I have a great sense of humor. I keep myself active and with people; I can be almost anywhere with a different group of friends every time. I have invited friends to come to UT games with me. I would also like to mention my Government teacher and football coach who has personally asked to be a reference; Mr. ---- ---- may be reached on his home phone (###-###-####) at anytime. It is my opinion that I am a very well-rounded person who is liked and respected by most of the people I see and talk to, which is a positive quality for everyone to have.

[Again, talk about leadership. Why do people respect you? I like the part about suicide counseling. Elaborate more about it. Don’t talk about going to the UT games. It doesn’t add anything. Unless perhaps to tell them about how much you love the school and its culture. ]

I realize that I'm not guaranteed to go to UT based on my credentials. However, I have realized that UT is the college I want to study under, and it would be my privilege if you would accept me. I have given my case that portrays my intelligence, represented my signs of maturity, and attempted to prove that I leave many people with a positive note every time I can. It is my deepest wish that you will allow me to be enrolled for the Fall 2004 semester

[I haven’t seen you present a case for your intelligence, or maturity. You say that you have those, but you haven’t given examples…. Its easy to state these things, but you need to back them up

I realize that you probably don’t know what you want to do with your life, or with your degree. That’s fine. I just graduated, and I still don’t have a very good idea. But if you do, it would be great to tell them about it. Or perhaps tell them that the diversity of people, interests, academic strengths at UT will help you decide.

What specifically about UT do you like. You say you like it,but why? ]

01-30-2004, 01:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
dimbulb Riiiiight........	I believe that I have what it takes to succeed at the University of Tennessee. I feel like I have good knowledge to share and utilize while on campus.[ Tell us more about what knowledge you want to share.] I am also fairly certain that I have more maturity than many other students and friends of my age. I like to think I’m an enjoyable person to be around as well. For my personal statement, I'd[ do NOT use I’d in a formal essay. “I would” is much better…] like to try to convince you that I deserve to be enrolled in UT. I feel like I am very intelligent. I had a 23 on my ACT the first time I took it. My friends often consider me as under-rated when it comes to knowledge and understanding. Teachers have often told me that I speak, act, and think better than I should for my age. With all that considered, although I’m undoubtedly no genius right now, I am ready to unleash what potential I have and become a good student at UT.[ I don’t like this paragraph. It sounds like you are trying to make excuses. Don’t tell them that you are no genius. Tell them why you are intelligent. Why are you under-rated? How have you gone out of your way to gain knowledge and understanding? Ask your teachers to write letters of reference.!!!] I truly think that, for my age, I have matured exceptionally well. I was raised in a loving and caring family that would allow nothing less from me. Teachers have praised me for my attitude while coaches have appreciated the dedication and effort I have given. I try hard to keep a respectable image to match my attitude, too. [What sort of attitude? Work ethic? Work ethic is good. Try to think of a time when you showed dedication and effort. Preferably something well and beyond the call of duty] I truly think that I would represent UT very well and never become an embarrassment to your college’s good name.[ Don’t talk about embarrassing the college. Talk about enhancing the name of the college.] I try my very hardest to be as great of a man as I can be for other people, and people appreciate it. I have been known to keep a friend from attempting suicide, and gained another friend the same way. My friends and acquaintances continuously tell me that I have a great sense of humor. I keep myself active and with people; I can be almost anywhere with a different group of friends every time. I have invited friends to come to UT games with me. I would also like to mention my Government teacher and football coach who has personally asked to be a reference; Mr. ---- ---- may be reached on his home phone (###-###-####) at anytime. It is my opinion that I am a very well-rounded person who is liked and respected by most of the people I see and talk to, which is a positive quality for everyone to have. [Again, talk about leadership. Why do people respect you? I like the part about suicide counseling. Elaborate more about it. Don’t talk about going to the UT games. It doesn’t add anything. Unless perhaps to tell them about how much you love the school and its culture. ] I realize that I'm not guaranteed to go to UT based on my credentials. However, I have realized that UT is the college I want to study under, and it would be my privilege if you would accept me. I have given my case that portrays my intelligence, represented my signs of maturity, and attempted to prove that I leave many people with a positive note every time I can. It is my deepest wish that you will allow me to be enrolled for the Fall 2004 semester [I haven’t seen you present a case for your intelligence, or maturity. You say that you have those, but you haven’t given examples…. Its easy to state these things, but you need to back them up I realize that you probably don’t know what you want to do with your life, or with your degree. That’s fine. I just graduated, and I still don’t have a very good idea. But if you do, it would be great to tell them about it. Or perhaps tell them that the diversity of people, interests, academic strengths at UT will help you decide. What specifically about UT do you like. You say you like it,but why? ]