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I don't have time to go in depth, but you shouldn't include your ACT score in your essay - they'll know about it from your application anyway. Talk about something specific that shows how you've applied your intelligence to achieve something.
In general, it helps to talk less about what other people think of you and to spend more time talking about concrete things that can serve as evidence of the claims you make about yourself. What have you done that shows that you are mature/smart/dedicated? Perhaps you could expand on the suicide story. A well-embellished story that shows what kind of person you are is much more memorable than an list of your personal characteristics.
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