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01-10-2004, 03:30 PM

^^^I hear ya. We have tried as much as possible to positively and effectively communicate on this, but neither of us feel like "giving in" to one another, so to speak. We speak our minds and share our feelings and try to find a common and mutual solution, but it never happens. We both feel misunderstood about this. Even though he says I don't understand him, I do. But that doesn't mean I can drop what I am doing, ignore our kid or what is going on, and rip my clothes off for him. If I am busy, not in the mood, or too tired, I don't feel that the lovemaking will be with 100% effort and won't be as enjoyable and intimate. I like it when all is calm and there is time to do it, not rushing or sneaking or going out of our way. Sometimes, the longer I wait (no longer than a week, and that's usually that time of month) the better it feels, but then he tends to finish too soon. I honestly think he doesn't masturbate as often as he should to ease the tension and frustration.
I used to be all about sex every day, morning, noon, and night before our child, but I just feel that communication and other sources of intimacy and interaction are just as important and I feel that we don't have enough of that.
Although we do more things together- go out, play games, talk, etc.- I could do so much more of it. He is a fairly person, but as a struggling person with depression, he sure has changed in the past few years- we almost divorced, but then he did a 180- well, almost- maybe 100. He still has his bouts. Ya know, I think it may have a lot to do with how unhappy he still is.
We've seen a therapist, but although we really enjoyed her, our insurance couldn't cover enough and we really can't afford it at this time. All I want is for him to be more happy, laid back, and less worrisome. He is a skeptic and sometimes on the verge of being paranoid about so many things. He is very self-conscious and hard to satisfy. I am sure that has a lot to do with it, because low self-esteem doesn't turn me on at all.
Well, talking this out on here helps so much- thank you for reading my babble, but it's always a surefire way to just write things out until the answer comes to me.
I will reserve some time to talk with him more in depth this weekend. After that, it is in his hands- I can't change him, that's his step. But I am there for him, love him, respect and always try to understand him and make him feel better.

01-10-2004, 03:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul::: Guest	^^^I hear ya. We have tried as much as possible to positively and effectively communicate on this, but neither of us feel like "giving in" to one another, so to speak. We speak our minds and share our feelings and try to find a common and mutual solution, but it never happens. We both feel misunderstood about this. Even though he says I don't understand him, I do. But that doesn't mean I can drop what I am doing, ignore our kid or what is going on, and rip my clothes off for him. If I am busy, not in the mood, or too tired, I don't feel that the lovemaking will be with 100% effort and won't be as enjoyable and intimate. I like it when all is calm and there is time to do it, not rushing or sneaking or going out of our way. Sometimes, the longer I wait (no longer than a week, and that's usually that time of month) the better it feels, but then he tends to finish too soon. I honestly think he doesn't masturbate as often as he should to ease the tension and frustration. I used to be all about sex every day, morning, noon, and night before our child, but I just feel that communication and other sources of intimacy and interaction are just as important and I feel that we don't have enough of that. Although we do more things together- go out, play games, talk, etc.- I could do so much more of it. He is a fairly person, but as a struggling person with depression, he sure has changed in the past few years- we almost divorced, but then he did a 180- well, almost- maybe 100. He still has his bouts. Ya know, I think it may have a lot to do with how unhappy he still is. We've seen a therapist, but although we really enjoyed her, our insurance couldn't cover enough and we really can't afford it at this time. All I want is for him to be more happy, laid back, and less worrisome. He is a skeptic and sometimes on the verge of being paranoid about so many things. He is very self-conscious and hard to satisfy. I am sure that has a lot to do with it, because low self-esteem doesn't turn me on at all. Well, talking this out on here helps so much- thank you for reading my babble, but it's always a surefire way to just write things out until the answer comes to me. I will reserve some time to talk with him more in depth this weekend. After that, it is in his hands- I can't change him, that's his step. But I am there for him, love him, respect and always try to understand him and make him feel better.