analog

Well, did you ever wonder that instead of trying to change her BACK, you should first find out what caused it?

We have the following bits of info:

1. She now shuns alcohol altogether, where before she ENJOYED it.
2. She HAD a boyfriend.
3. You THINK she left her previous boyfriend to be with you.
4. She could pick up and go out of NOWHERE, on a month's notice.
5. She now pushes away from you when you drink.

When you look at the big picture, it's easy to overlook important clues.

I think what happened, based on EVERYTHING you have outlined for us about her state of mind BEFORE she got to be with you, and to now, when you're together, is this:

I think that she was raped, or greatly physically abused in some way. I think that it involved lots of alcohol, both on her part AND (more importantly) on the part of the aggressor, and I believe it was perpetrated by her now-ex boyfriend. Why else would she now shun it so much? She thinks getting drunk made her vulnerable, and that's why it happened. She also likely belives that if she allows you to drink, the same thing will happen again, and she doesn't want that, obviously.

If she's such a nice person as you say, and I believe it when you say it, then the only thing to make her quickly run away from her place in the time frame of a month would be something as horrible as a rape or abuse by her previous boyfriend.

Stop drinking in front of her. Don't bring up drinking or ask if she wants to go someplace to drink.

You should honestly confront her about the change. Tell her you noticed that she used to drink and now she hates it, and doesn't like when you do either. Have a sit-down about it, and keep the pace slow and steady. Keep it in the vein of helping the one you love, not prodding for information. Ask her specifically if something happened to cause that to change, or if she just doesn't like it anymore.

Don't expect an answer. Since she's not mentioned it, she's obviously not comfortable talking about it just yet, and you shouldn't force it, either.

Of course, this is all just the theory I have put together, based on available information, and the only reason I posted this "theory" is because it seems to be- to me- the only possible explaination.

I think something bad happened. I think she's now scarred by it.

YES, that will make her drastically more co-dependant. YES, it explains her seemingly "irrational" behavior and coldness towards you when you drink.

The only problem is... depending on when this happened... it may mean she escaped to you.... and didn't really go to you just to be with you.... sort of a "rebound" type of thing.

I'm hoping that this all came to be because she was breaking up with him- to be with you- and he snapped on her, so she's actually come to be with you and not just to flee him.

Best of luck to you, and again- it's just my gut feeling, so don't take it as law, ok?

This is one of those times i'm pretty sure i'm right, but at the same time I'd hate to be right about this...