Me and my girl, we got this relationship.
I love her so bad but she treats me like shit.
--Sublime, “Doin time”
Thats what i thought about while i was writing this.
[history]-you don’t have to read this part, it’s just for background.
I met my girlfriend online.. When we met, she lived very far away.
When I first started talking to her, I wasn’t even planning on it becoming anything romantic. Actually, she initiated talking to me.
As we continued to talk, we really hit it off, becoming good interweb friend and realizing that we ting a lot alike.
She lived in the Eastern Time zone and I am in the west.
She would go out to the bar, and get home just as I was getting home from work. She’d be al drunk, and we’d talk, and it would be all cute.
I didn’t see her drinking as a problem, because at the time, I was drinking a couple nights a week with my roommate, I saw this as another thing we had in common.
Well, we ended meeting in real life at a large interweb gathering. I was still going in to this not thinking that anything romantic would come of it. She *did* say that the only reason she was coming was to see me, but she was coming with her boyfriend, so I just kinda took it as her just saying nice things.
Well, the meet happened and we had a grand time. She ended up ditching her boyfriend early in the night and spending it all with me. I was flabbergasted by the fact that she was lovin on me. I was happier then I had ever been.
After the meet ended, she came back to the place I was staying at and spent the night in my arms. Again, happiest I have ever been.
The next day I had to fly home, and it was so painful to say goodbye. We held hand all the way to the airport and my thoughts were all over the place. When we finally got there, her Boyfriend was there to meet her, so I was all nervous. We hugged, and said goodbye.
When I got home, we resumed our normal IRC chatting, only this time, we were falling in love.
We decided that she could move out here and live with me, I bought a plane ticket and she came about a month later.
[/history]
Well, it all started out great. She was really shy, and I had a hard time introducing her to my friends, but I figured that would pass.
I bought some beer and liquor to celebrate, but she didn’t really want to drink. I think she had 1 beer.
Since then, every time I say that I might wanna drink, or suggest that we drink together, I get totally hated on. She will give me the silent treatment go into to total bitch mode. She has only drank once, and that was on new years eve….. She wouldn’t even drink with me, she was talked in to it buy another friend I had over for the party.
I could deal with the drinking thing though, I would quit drinking completely if she wanted me too, I just worry that she totally changed from who she was.
The other thing that worries me is he attitude. She was always sweet and nice to me in irc, on the phone, and in real life at the meet. But after she had been here a few weeks, her attitude seemed to have gone down the drain. Since some time efore Christmas, I cannot remember one 24 hour period that has transpired that she has at least once done or said something totally bitchy to me. I say Christmas, because that day I was really thinking that it wouldn’t happen, until it did.
She won’t talk to me about what bothers her, she just starts pouting and gives me the silent treatment. If I ask what’s wrong, she says “nothing”. I have been in a lot of relationships, and I am very good at communication, but communication is a 2way road.
She won’t make any decisions, she expects me to figure everything out. She puts the responsibility of figuring out what we are gunna do everyday on me, I hafta decide what we are gunna have for dinner everyday. Sometimes I feel more like a babysitter then a boyfriend.
She expresses a lot of interest in cooking, but in the last 2 months, she has cook once,
maybe twice? She has me buy her cookbooks, and then says she wants to cook something, but won’t pick anything, she makes me pick.The other day, I suggested over 10 things outta there before she agreed on something. Then when we were at the store buying the ingredients, she decided that she didn’t want to cook.
The situation that made me decide to write this happened last night.
Our power was out due to a winter storm. We spent the day at my parents, because they have power, and she really likes them.
When we got home we started a fire, it was kewl. She spent most of her time sitting right up next to it, staying warm and trying to read a bit. I couldn’t really sit right by it for long, but I did for a while.
I asked her if she wanted some champagne to go with our romantic, firelight evening, nd she said yes. Well, until I started opening the bottle, then she changed her mind.
So I opened it anyway and drank some myself.
Everything was pretty good for a while, then my roommate came home and suggested we drink some liquor to warm us up.
This sounded like a good idea to me, so we did some shots.
After that, she totally shut me out. She wouldn’t look me in the eye, if I tried to put my hand on her knee, she would swipe it off. I ask for a kiss and got denied.
I don’t do well with rejection, so I went up to sit on the couch, while she sat by the fire.
It sure was cold on the couch.
Eventually, she went to the bedroom, got a blanket and a pillow and laid down by the fire.
After she had laid there a while, I assumed she was asleep and I also went to get a blanket and a pillow. I laid awake on the couch for a while then nodded off.
I woke up to the power coming back on, and he wasn’t on the floor by the fire.
I went to the bed room and found her on the bed. She was either asleep of still ignoring me, but I told her I loved her and got no response.
I went back to sleep for a while on the couch, then moved into the bedroom where I was still ignored.
I couldn’t sleep, all I could do was thing about all the things that she does that hurt me.
That’s when I had the thought to write this.
I got up after laying there for a while and came out here. (living room)
She got up shortly after me and sat down next to me and got on her laptop. I didn’t want to write this in front of her, so I just surfed around, checking forums & IRC.
I decided to take a shower after seeing a post of hers on a forum that we both post at. The post was bitching about how she had to sleep on the floor and in the freezing bedroom. It made me really depressed, because i felt like I could do nothing right. In fact, she very often makes me feel that way. She had made no interest in being on the couch with me, and had appeared to be fully asleep on the floor by the fire, yet she gets all pissed at me
After I got out of the shower, she was back in our bed. I said hi and asked if she was tired. She responded with, “no, I’m just in bed because I am bored and there is nothing to do, are we gunna do anything today?” I responded with, “I dunno, let me know if you think of anything” and walked out of the bedroom back here to the living room and started writing this.
I don’t know what to do. I spend virtually every waking hour trying to make her happy, and she never is. I love her, and when she is nice to me it’s the most wonderful feeling ever.
I know I’m not codependent, I was single for 5 years before getting together with her. I have really high standards and decided a long time ago not to settle down with anyone that isn’t totally perfect for me. I had a little list of prerequisites in my head that got revised after every girl I dated.
This girl fits them all, except for the way she treats me.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone that is hating one me 80% of the time and only lovin 20%
I need your advice.