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Strangled thoughts
I dont know whats going on inside of me anymore. All of my writings have come from my heart. I understand they are not good but they are all i have that is keeping me somewhat sane. I love this community and i feel bad for not being as much a part of it as i once was, but i just now got online again. These last few weeks have been really hard on me. I have been alone in this house by myself with nothing to do but watch movies sleep and read. I havent had a phone internet or cable for almost a month and its driving me over the edge. On top of that before school got out I broke up with Josh and with nothing to do I cant keep my mind off him. I miss him so much and I cant help think that I just wasnt enough, that I did something so wrong and I hurt him. He told me he loved me and then he tried to take everything back. Im not mad at him, but it hurts when he tells me that everything we had or did together was a mistake.
Now Im here with my two best friends and they both have boyfriends. They constantly talk about them, and i feel so left out and alone. They have something that i want so badly, yet i know i wont have a chance of for a long time. I know people love me but i want the love of someone that can hold me and tell me. I crave the physical closeness and protection that comes with a relationship of caring and friendship.
It just fells like no one loves me even though I know that that isnt true, but it makes it so much easier to leave.
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from the Havens I have fallen. . . to the earth as a mangled form. . . writhing in pain, my wings torn and bloodied. . . I have one purpose, only one goal. . . to find you and love you, for I am your. . . fallen angel
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