fallen_angel

I dont know whats going on inside of me anymore. All of my writings have come from my heart. I understand they are not good but they are all i have that is keeping me somewhat sane. I love this community and i feel bad for not being as much a part of it as i once was, but i just now got online again. These last few weeks have been really hard on me. I have been alone in this house by myself with nothing to do but watch movies sleep and read. I havent had a phone internet or cable for almost a month and its driving me over the edge. On top of that before school got out I broke up with Josh and with nothing to do I cant keep my mind off him. I miss him so much and I cant help think that I just wasnt enough, that I did something so wrong and I hurt him. He told me he loved me and then he tried to take everything back. Im not mad at him, but it hurts when he tells me that everything we had or did together was a mistake.
Now Im here with my two best friends and they both have boyfriends. They constantly talk about them, and i feel so left out and alone. They have something that i want so badly, yet i know i wont have a chance of for a long time. I know people love me but i want the love of someone that can hold me and tell me. I crave the physical closeness and protection that comes with a relationship of caring and friendship.

It just fells like no one loves me even though I know that that isnt true, but it makes it so much easier to leave.

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from the Havens I have fallen. . . to the earth as a mangled form. . . writhing in pain, my wings torn and bloodied. . . I have one purpose, only one goal. . . to find you and love you, for I am your. . . fallen angel

ForgottenKnight

Don't we all feel like that sometimes? Don't we all crave things that we don't or can't have? I think perhaps we should focus on what we do have. I know it's hard... Even I have so much trouble doing so, but you know... at least we can try to focus on the good things in life. Right?

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"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

taylorspl

I know exactly what you mean except the other way around. I want to be able to feel, I love nothing and no one. I have friends that I care about but it isn't the same I haven't been able to evoke such emotion since my first love, I hope she won't be the last as well. I hope your existence brightens.

vonstalhein

I have not experienced anything of the sort, but the way you convey it at least allows me to guess. And it sounds hard.

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No Win No Fee

riptide4070

I'm deeply sorry for you fallen_angel. I've been feeling the same for about 14 months. Things are starting to change for me, but I still have feelings for my ex.

Those old feelings are making me question my new feelings for someone else all too often. But Jewel said it best, "it's nothing without love."

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"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'

fallen_angel

Love is the very thing I want back into my life but with that comes pain and regret, most times. I have lost many loves in my short life and I am just currently trying to deal with them and its so hard because I cant get away from him. He acts like nothing happened and its so difficult to sit there and know that he is somewhat happy and I am not, I will admit though that I did want to end the relationship but the part that is hurting the most is the fact that he is denying everything that we had between us and calling it a mistake he wants to forget.

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from the Havens I have fallen. . . to the earth as a mangled form. . . writhing in pain, my wings torn and bloodied. . . I have one purpose, only one goal. . . to find you and love you, for I am your. . . fallen angel

J.R.V.A.

Boys are jerks....
And by the way, your writings are very very good

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And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart