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I think you are mixing fairy tales with reality. In the 12th century, in Europe most people were starving peasants. Chivolry was not part of everyday life. What you are referring to was nobel court rituals, which was for about 1 millionth of one percent of the population. Most of what people know about the olden days is just fairy tale myths.
Modern geniality toward women and what came to be known as modern chivolry and also things like "women and children first" was/is mostly just for show in public and not reflective of actual status, rank or priviledge in society. Maybe this public show is from the Victorian era.
You have a lot of questions and are mixing a lot of things up. The study of history dictates that you first understand the period you are studying and discipline yourself to not try to measure or judge an era by todays measures or standards. For example, today slavery is abhorent but a couple hundred years ago it was normal and fairly OK.
Women couldn't get jobs or vote because it had just never happened. No one would have considered such a thing. The very notion of voting is historically new anyway. Until the advent of modern kitchen and household appliances the women were in charge of the household and it was at LEAST a full time job. We can't judge this, it was just fact. If the family wanted food, clean clothes and all the other daily needs then the woman would have to work full time in the house. This was true until quite recently. No one even considered women being involved in matters outside the home, not even the women. You are asking many good questions. There are no simple answers. It sounds like you should study history, etc. and that you would be interested in it. Also sociology, and economics would probably interest you.
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