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matthew330 · 12-17-2003, 06:11 AM

I like # 4......

FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO
> > LEARN by Dave Barry
> >
>
> > 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
> > pill and a laxative on
> > the same night.
> >
> > 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
> > why the human race has
> > not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
> > potential, that word would be
> > "meetings,"
> >
> > 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
> > "mental illness,"
> >
> > 4. People who want to share their religious views
> > with you almost never want
> > you to share yours with them.
> >
> > 5. You should not confuse your career with your
> > life.
> >
> > 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
> > and dance.
> >
> > 7. Never lick a steak knife.
> >
> > 8. The most destructive force in the universe is
> > gossip.
> >
> > 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a
> > clear and compelling
> > reason why we observe daylight savings time.
> >
> > 10. You should never say anything to a woman that
> > even remotely suggests
> > that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
> > actual baby emerging
>
> > from her at that moment.
> >
> > 11. There comes a time when you should stop
> > expecting other people to make a
> > big deal about your birthday. That time is age
> > eleven.
> >
> > 12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
> > regardless of age, gender,
> > religion, economic status or ethnic background, is
> > that, deep down inside,
> > we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
> >
> > 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the
> > waiter, is not a nice
> > person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It
> > never fails.)
> >
> > 14. Your friends love you anyway.
> >
> > 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
> > that a lone amateur built
> > the Ark. A large group of professionals built the
> > Titanic.
> >
> > FINAL Thought for the day:
> >
> > Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes,
> > and it's up to women to
> > stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
> > something acceptable to have
> > dinner with.

12-17-2003, 06:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
matthew330 Banned	Fifteen lessons I like # 4...... FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO > > LEARN by Dave Barry > > > > > 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping > > pill and a laxative on > > the same night. > > > > 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason > > why the human race has > > not achieved, and never will achieve, its full > > potential, that word would be > > "meetings," > > > > 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and > > "mental illness," > > > > 4. People who want to share their religious views > > with you almost never want > > you to share yours with them. > > > > 5. You should not confuse your career with your > > life. > > > > 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up > > and dance. > > > > 7. Never lick a steak knife. > > > > 8. The most destructive force in the universe is > > gossip. > > > > 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a > > clear and compelling > > reason why we observe daylight savings time. > > > > 10. You should never say anything to a woman that > > even remotely suggests > > that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an > > actual baby emerging > > > from her at that moment. > > > > 11. There comes a time when you should stop > > expecting other people to make a > > big deal about your birthday. That time is age > > eleven. > > > > 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, > > regardless of age, gender, > > religion, economic status or ethnic background, is > > that, deep down inside, > > we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. > > > > 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the > > waiter, is not a nice > > person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It > > never fails.) > > > > 14. Your friends love you anyway. > > > > 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember > > that a lone amateur built > > the Ark. A large group of professionals built the > > Titanic. > > > > FINAL Thought for the day: > > > > Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, > > and it's up to women to > > stomp the crap out of them until they turn into > > something acceptable to have > > dinner with.