matthew330

I like # 4......

FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO
> > LEARN by Dave Barry
> >
>
> > 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
> > pill and a laxative on
> > the same night.
> >
> > 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
> > why the human race has
> > not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
> > potential, that word would be
> > "meetings,"
> >
> > 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
> > "mental illness,"
> >
> > 4. People who want to share their religious views
> > with you almost never want
> > you to share yours with them.
> >
> > 5. You should not confuse your career with your
> > life.
> >
> > 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
> > and dance.
> >
> > 7. Never lick a steak knife.
> >
> > 8. The most destructive force in the universe is
> > gossip.
> >
> > 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a
> > clear and compelling
> > reason why we observe daylight savings time.
> >
> > 10. You should never say anything to a woman that
> > even remotely suggests
> > that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
> > actual baby emerging
>
> > from her at that moment.
> >
> > 11. There comes a time when you should stop
> > expecting other people to make a
> > big deal about your birthday. That time is age
> > eleven.
> >
> > 12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
> > regardless of age, gender,
> > religion, economic status or ethnic background, is
> > that, deep down inside,
> > we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
> >
> > 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the
> > waiter, is not a nice
> > person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It
> > never fails.)
> >
> > 14. Your friends love you anyway.
> >
> > 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
> > that a lone amateur built
> > the Ark. A large group of professionals built the
> > Titanic.
> >
> > FINAL Thought for the day:
> >
> > Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes,
> > and it's up to women to
> > stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
> > something acceptable to have
> > dinner with.

matthew330

Maybe should have gone in "general discussion".....i don't know, not really funny so much, just kind of cool. I suck at picking threads for ambiguous posts. Feel free to move (as if you needed my permission)...

bluearmy

I think that the post is perfectly fine where it is; it's just a much gentler type of humour; but humour none the less and much appreciated at that.

crackpot

I am an expert steak knife licker. Otherwise, all good points. And relatively funny too. Thanks for the post!

KellyC

i like # 7 and 8. 7 is just plain funny and 8 is so so so damn true!!!

__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Crack

Dave Barry is indeed the man.

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Poloboy

Anybody else remember that Seinfeld?

Nation

Heh heh- I think I've seen this one before. Still great stuff though.

matthew330

I just noticed this....#'s 2 and 12. Apparently the writer's 50 years of wisdom has yet too....well.....

#16. Appropriate comma usage eludes even 50 years of wisdom

bravo49

Liked the final thought

WooKieRay

I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.

__________________
Warthaog?! ...looks more like a Puma.

Jay Francis

I pick my teeth with my steak knife. Wusthoff.