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I agree with grumpyolddude's first idea, make him your pupil show him how you play the game, or show him how to make himself better. That way he comes up to your level and you don't have to feel bad about throwing the match.
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"This ain't no Ice Cream Social!"
"Hey Grif, Chupathingy...how bout that? I like it...got a ring to it."
"I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif."
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