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I'm sorry everything has been dumped on you at once. Like they say when it rains it pours! But remember that even though losing people is hearbreaking for you, they get to go to an awesome place. Whether or not you believe in God, I still think we all get to go to somewhere cool afterwards, so you can feel happy knowing eventually you'll get to see everyone and again and now they are watching over you, making sure your okay.
It's always really hard and very depressing to go visit someone who is dying. My grandpa is in a nursing home right now and it's so hard for me to go visit him because of the atmosphere and sadness. If you feel the need to visit your grandma, go ahead. If not send her flowers or something she likes to let her know you care. Death has to be one of the hardest things that we all have to deal with. Maybe seeing a grief counselor or a therapist for a awhile might help lift your cloud. We all need someone to vent to
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