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sillygirl · 12-09-2003, 11:01 AM

I agree with Lurkette. "Helping" him through this situation, when he's in the state of mind that he's in right now, would make him think that she changed her mind and is reconsidering staying with him. That's counterproductive.

I had a similar situation in high school. I was friends with a guy who one day started making some serious moves on me. I made it very clear that I didn't want to be with him the first time he tried. I still would've been friends with him. But it didn't stop. Then he started blaming his life on me. I didn't get with him. He's still alive today.

Also, my ex husband. He made no effort to let me know he wanted to be with me, and when I told him I wanted a divorce, he tried to kill himself. Mind you, he took MIDOL of all things, but still. He tried making me stay with him so that he wouldn't 'go crazy'. Staying with him would've driven ME crazy, I would've been MORE unhappy than I already was, and I would've felt trapped. I tried to help him AFTER he'd tried to kill himself. I tried to still be of some support.Trying to show support was counterproductive. He thought that I had changed my mind.

I'm now dating a wonderful guy who cares for me. I'm happy. And my ex is still alive.

Whatever you do, you must keep it clear to him that you do NOT want to be with him. Don't cater to him. Don't tell him that you care. Maybe it WOULD be a good idea to talk to his parents or someone in his family that you get along with. But going back just to 'help' him would probably only make things worse.

12-09-2003, 11:01 AM	#7 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	I agree with Lurkette. "Helping" him through this situation, when he's in the state of mind that he's in right now, would make him think that she changed her mind and is reconsidering staying with him. That's counterproductive. I had a similar situation in high school. I was friends with a guy who one day started making some serious moves on me. I made it very clear that I didn't want to be with him the first time he tried. I still would've been friends with him. But it didn't stop. Then he started blaming his life on me. I didn't get with him. He's still alive today. Also, my ex husband. He made no effort to let me know he wanted to be with me, and when I told him I wanted a divorce, he tried to kill himself. Mind you, he took MIDOL of all things, but still. He tried making me stay with him so that he wouldn't 'go crazy'. Staying with him would've driven ME crazy, I would've been MORE unhappy than I already was, and I would've felt trapped. I tried to help him AFTER he'd tried to kill himself. I tried to still be of some support.Trying to show support was counterproductive. He thought that I had changed my mind. I'm now dating a wonderful guy who cares for me. I'm happy. And my ex is still alive. Whatever you do, you must keep it clear to him that you do NOT want to be with him. Don't cater to him. Don't tell him that you care. Maybe it WOULD be a good idea to talk to his parents or someone in his family that you get along with. But going back just to 'help' him would probably only make things worse. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...