Thread: How do you
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Old 12-03-2003, 11:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
analog
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Re: How do you

Quote:
Originally posted by uptown
tell somebody that hard as you try you are having trouble believing them when they say that they love you and that you are having doubts that they desire you ?
I'm surprised i'm the first to say this, but love and desire are two completely different things... you seem to express them as one feeling. Love does not mean desire. As most of us know, desire CERTAINLY doesn't mean love. That's why we ('we' being the human race) have "sex".

People have sex when they desire but do not love. Relationships form when desire is coupled with love, which is why it's refered to as "making love". Even if the sex is rough, animalistic, primal, etc. (which is great, try it some time ), it is still love-making if it's with the one you love.

A relationship CAN NOT LAST without both love and desire- and I don't mean sexual desire. Desire can be psychological, in that it can be based solely on the "need" to be around that person. You desire their companionship, their comfort, etc.

I recommend having a serious sit-down with your SO and discuss that you don't feel loved or desired. Don't ask, tell. "I love you very much, but my love for you is not enough to carry a whole relationship. I feel like you aren't able to express your love in a way I can understand, because i'm sure the love is there."

Ask what it is they feel they do that should show you their love. You may see that they are trying all kinds of things, and are simply missing the mark. Just as a point to ponder, you may be looking for affirmations of love that manifest themselves differently than your SO doles out. Example: My ex-girlfriend of 3 years loved skittles. LOVED them. Every once in a while, when she had a bad day or something, i'd come home with a bag of skittles for her. She always thanked me, but I found out later on that she never thought it as a gesture of love- she just always thought I brought them to pacify her. She was astounded (and brought to tears) when I explained I did it because I thought she'd appreciate it and see it as another gesture of my love for her. She cried for like 3 days off and on, she felt so bad. I bought her skittles on day 2 which, I think, lead to day 3.

Best of luck.
-analog

Last edited by analog; 12-03-2003 at 11:38 PM..
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