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I believe you have a deep need for emotional chaos. I believe you unintentionally seek it out and help to create it around you. I suspect you have some history of being on the wrong end of physical or mental abuse, and that this history is at least in part the root of this behavior.
I say this without judgment. It is up to you to decide to what extent you believe this to be true, and if so, to what extent you wish to do anything about it. Consider it food for thought.
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