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- Pope confirms his Catholicism
- College of Cardinals elects Pope George Ringo
- Texas gets over insecurity. Says, "OK, you can mess with us now."
- Weather from Point Barrow: Jesus H. Keeerist! It's fucking COLD!
- Australians begin to think of themselves as "Up Over".
- Money maker shaken in dance disaster.
- First fans line up to purchase Star Wars, episode 3 tickets.
- Area man concerned about deforestation, bear lavatories.
- Who let the dogs out? Police apprehend suspect.
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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