![]() |
![]() |
#1 (permalink) |
Non-smokers die everyday
Location: Montreal
|
Onion Headlines You Would Like To See
Anybody that's cool reads the Onion on a weekly basis (because, you see, there is only one edition per week). However, I often think of headlines I would like to see on this fine publication, as well as the sort of articles its authors would write about them. So, this is a call to all avid Onion readers out there, please share some of your headlines with all of the Tilted folk!
Here are some of mine: - Area Voodoo Priest Out of Mojo, Juju - Horny Toothfairy Wants Cavity Filled - Bald Spot Flaunted - Sugar Daddy Sours Relationship - Bird Flipped Off - Area Bus Driver Hugs Woman With Exact Change - Clown College Offers "Coping With Gloss" Course
__________________
A plan is just a list of things that don't happen. |
![]() |
![]() |
#2 (permalink) |
Non-smokers die everyday
Location: Montreal
|
Here are some more!
- Ask an Affable Government Clerk - Couch Moved From Curb To Porch - Point-Counterpoint: Tony Danza "Who's the Boss?" vs. Bruce Springsteen "I'm the Boss." - Lactose Intolerant Aunt Really Milking It - Donkey Punched - Mellon Balled - Area Restaurant Claims Special Sauce: "More Than Just Mayo and Ketchup" - Trucker Cap Fad Forces Truckers To Switch To Fedorahs
__________________
A plan is just a list of things that don't happen. |
![]() |
![]() |
#3 (permalink) |
Minion of the scaléd ones
Location: Northeast Jesusland
|
- Pope confirms his Catholicism
- College of Cardinals elects Pope George Ringo - Texas gets over insecurity. Says, "OK, you can mess with us now." - Weather from Point Barrow: Jesus H. Keeerist! It's fucking COLD! - Australians begin to think of themselves as "Up Over". - Money maker shaken in dance disaster. - First fans line up to purchase Star Wars, episode 3 tickets. - Area man concerned about deforestation, bear lavatories. - Who let the dogs out? Police apprehend suspect.
__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. |
![]() |
![]() |
#4 (permalink) |
Minion of the scaléd ones
Location: Northeast Jesusland
|
Some that relate to your first one:
- Area Mojo still out of work - Mojo rises while stocks, bonds fall
__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. |
![]() |
Tags |
headlines, onion |
|
|