"Putting yourself in their shoes" isn't really empathy. Empathy is more in the realm of picking up an emotion by the sound of someone's voice before you've even heard what they have to say. It just happens. I believe it's driven by experience (the more we have, the "better" we are at it) and can't be faked.
Sympathy and/or compassion (already mentioned several times) is closer to the heart of what we're exploring here. I think being "cold" is the lack of compassion and probably starts with a lack of understanding of your own emotions. It's sort of a defense mechanism thing, you build a wall around yourself and this makes it harder for you to relate to the people around you.
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