kookookazoo

hey guys, this is gonna be long, so sorry in advance. ok, here's the deal. last year i met this girl while i was still in high school. she's everything and more i could ever want. i fell head over heals in love with her, yet she had a boyfriend. he was a dick, and she wanted attention. well she definitely got attention from me, that wasn't a problem. we started talking over the internet and then on the phone, and eventually she admitted that she liked me too. this went on for a long time.. like for a few months. then she gets engaged.. she had been expecting him to ask her for a while. ok, so now she tells me she's having a hard time deciding whether she wants to be w/ her boyfriend or me, but then outta nowhere her boyfriend breaks up with her and calls everything off. so of course im like "omg my day has come". but my hopes came crashing down on me when after this happened she told me that when her boyfriend broke up with her it became clear to her who she wanted; him. she told me she wanted to stop talking to me so she could resist temptations and try to get him back, but after not long of that, we started talking again. so now for a while again, we've been talking on the phone every night, and she still tells me how she wants to be with her ex so much and all this shit. she tells me how she hears all this stuff about how he's been seeing some other girl, and how she wishes he would just tell her the truth as to whether or not they're going out or not. apparently he has told her different. she tells me that if he was to ever come back to her she would stop talking to me and drop all relations with me and be with him. i've been with her through all of this shit, tried to help through it all, cheered her up when she's depressed. last week i went to visit home for the weekend. i go to college and only get to see her on the weekends i come home. we went on a date to see a movie, and later that weekend we had sex. i'm 18 years old and it was my first time because i've always wanted to wait for the right person. i love her with all my heart and i have no regrets at all that she is who i lost my virginity to. this week we've talked on the phone like always, and whenever i get jealous about how she tells me how she would probably have sex with this random guy that she found out that likes her, but she wouldn't want a relationship with him, she doesn't seem to understand why i get so jealous. this whole time i've been waiting for the day that we would start going out, and she has told me lately that when she finds out for sure that her ex wants nothing to do with her anymore, she will consider. she also told me to buy more condoms for this weekend. i really don't understand this girl, but it's like i'm so in love with her i can't help but just ignore how fucked up everything is and go along with it. btw, when we were talking when she was still with her ex, we told each other that we love each other, but after they broke up and from then on she stopped telling me she loves me and that she isn't sure if she really does love me or not. if anyone has any advice or comments, post. i can't stop thinking about her ever, so don't think that it's possible for me to give up on her. the only way that will happen is if her ex takes her back, i suppose. thanks for reading, any advice/comments will be appreciated.