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Yikes. Your post scares me in so many different ways. I hate reading things like this because it makes me think that I will never have a good marriage.
I will give you the best advice that I can, but keep in mind that I am not married, but hope to be someday.
Cheating is the most selfish, rude, and inforgivable thing anyone can do. You entered into a marriage promising yourself to only your wife, and she promised herself only to you. Cheating makes the victim feel small and insignificant, and I would never wish that upon anyone. Now, I know how it feels to be cheated on by a boyfriend, but I imagine that the feeling is much, much worse to be cheated on by a husband.
There is never a reason to cheat. I agree with whoever said that there must be other problems in the marriage that led to this. If there are, then do the kind thing and end the marriage before you cheat. Give your wife that much respect.
This point was made earlier, as well- I won't quote, because I don't remember who said it, but it was to the effect of this: How will you know what you want unless you try it? You may be missing out on something that you love. The analogy was made of a man who did not know he was gay until after twenty years of marriage. This is a very valid point. You may be missing out on something.
Counterpoint: It's true that you may be missing out on something. Or, you may not. It is the greener grass complex. If you are happy, why take the risk of ruining your marriage to find out if you like anal sex? That is a big risk, and it could be for nothing. I once had a boyfriend of three years break up with me because he had to see what he was missing. He wasn't missing on anything, turns out, and I wouldn't take him back for the world because of what he put me through.
Buy a dildo. Use it on yourself when she is not home. Try to talk to her again. I am sure, though, that if she had a request that you found ridiculous, you would expect from her what she has from you.
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You don't know from fun.
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