How do I tell my wife... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Mango · 10-21-2003, 07:58 AM

I want to be part of a bisexual MMF threesome?

She is very straight. I have tried to talk her into being the F in an MMF but she refuses. We have discussed Group sex, threesomes, partner swaps ... and she is not interested at all. Her view of anal sex is that it is gross beyond gross. She willnot even touch my asshole & she will not fuck me with a dildoe. So I am at a loss to tell her I want to try being with another guy.

Averett · 10-21-2003, 08:04 AM

Well... it sounds like you've already discussed it with her and that she isn't interested.

You said she has refused, so if you're a part of a MMF threesome, you'll be with 2 other people. She won't be involved, right?

I dunno. If you've already discussed it with her and she's said no, where can you go with that?

mb99usa · 10-21-2003, 08:11 AM

Sounds like you are stuck dude. Unless you want to cheat and go behind her back, thus excluding her, it sounds like a dead topic.

On a side note: Is this something that has just caught your attention? Have you always wanted to try an MMF threesome?

I guess I'm just curious as to why you are married to someone who apparently does not share the same sexual tastes as you.

absorbentishe · 10-21-2003, 08:11 AM

Um, I think you have, and she's said, <I>no</I>! If you were to try to tell her what you want, she might just find that repulsive, and not want you in her life? I think your options are, tell her, and try to explain to her why you feel the way you do, but this is a touchy subject for some, and she won't be thinking rationally, but emotionally. Just be truthful, and do not hide anything from her, if you do, then you would be at the curb foresure.

Mango · 10-21-2003, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mb99usa
Sounds like you are stuck dude. Unless you want to cheat and go behind her back, thus excluding her, it sounds like a dead topic.

I thought about cheating and still may do it.

Quote:

On a side note: Is this something that has just caught your attention? Have you always wanted to try an MMF threesome?

I never had any inclination to try a MMF until about 5 years ago.

Quote:

I guess I'm just curious as to why you are married to someone who apparently does not share the same sexual tastes as you.

I wonder the same thing sometimes. Sex used to be great, now it is good when I get it but that is too infrequent for my likeing.

Dano069 · 10-21-2003, 09:01 AM

Yeah, I don't think you're gonna get it, my friend. My wife is open to just about everything, at least in theory. Since actions speak louder than words, she's been pretty damn quiet.

I think you're outta luck. Sorry.

mb99usa · 10-21-2003, 09:13 AM

I'm all for people being happy and doing what they want, but I'd be careful going the cheating route. You may open a can of worms you wish you hadn't.

Dano - I had a feeling you'd find this thread.

lurkette · 10-21-2003, 09:21 AM

The simple answer is: tell her. If she says no, I think you have to abide by her wishes. Marriage sometimes involves sacrifices, and unless you discussed this before you got married, you're asking her to accept a fairly radical redefinition of your relationship that includes other people and excludes her. Ultimately it's your life and you're free to do what you want, but you have to accept the consequences for your relationship with your wife. If this - experiences with other men - is something you feel you really can't live without, and if she can't bring herself to accept it, it may be time to talk more seriously about dissolving the marriage. Please don't cheat on her. You both deserve better than that.

sillygirl · 10-21-2003, 09:26 AM

Quote:

I thought about cheating and still may do it.

Don't do it. It'll cause more pain than either of you will want. Speaking from experience, pain caused because of foolishness/bad choices is still pain, and if you love her, I think you should realize beforehand that it's something that would probably damage your relationship. I'm sure there was a true reason why you got married...... just try to keep that in mind......

mb99usa · 10-21-2003, 09:58 AM

[I wonder the same thing sometimes. Sex used to be great, now it is good when I get it but that is too infrequent for my likeing. [/B][/QUOTE]

Is the sex the only issue in the marriage?

My wife and I are in the middle of a dry spell right now but it has no affect on our marriage (except I'm spending more time in the john with my Playboys). It sounds as if you are using this as an excuse so you can avoid what might really be bothering you.

Quote:

If this - experiences with other men - is something you feel you really can't live without, and if she can't bring herself to accept it, it may be time to talk more seriously about dissolving the marriage. Please don't cheat on her. You both deserve better than that.

I whole-heartedly agree.

shannon · 10-21-2003, 12:28 PM

i think a better option than cheating is telling her that you're so desperate you're thinking of cheating. then let her make the choice, whether she's willing to bend so you won't break or whether that just won't work. i'm a big fan of honesty in relationships. i think they call them SO's for a reason, and if you can't be completely honest with them who can you be real with?

Charlatan · 10-21-2003, 12:34 PM

I would keep working on her... By this I mean don't pester her constantly. I mean over the long term bring it up as one of your fantasies... Find out what her fantasies are help her to realize them... Perhaps get her to pretend with you that there is another guy there (have her use her fingers as a substitue cock in your mouth... you can work up to your ass later). Find "reputable" publications that detail the pleasure of prostate stimulation for men (i.e. let her know that while it might be "kinky" a lot of men find it pleasureable and it is normal).

You may never get to the MMF but you might bring her around on anal play.

The key is to be persistent but not overbearing. This may take years to bring to fruition.

As for cheating... it is always an option. BUT! Remeber that there are always consquenses to your actions. You might get away with it and all will be good. You might like it and want more than you can safely participate in without getting caught. You might get caught on the first try... Just think through the risks with your big head BEFORE you decide to risk everything for sex.

mb99usa · 10-21-2003, 12:36 PM

I think you are heading quickly down a slippery slope in this relationship. That you are even considering cheating is not a good sign. You can try talking to her again and explaining your feelings and motivations but it sounds as if the subject is closed in her mind. I don't even think the threat of you cheating will change her mind and if it does do you really want that to be the reason she agreed?

Do you have the other parties already lined-up for this?

Mango · 10-21-2003, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by shannon
i think a better option than cheating is telling her that you're so desperate you're thinking of cheating. then let her make the choice, whether she's willing to bend so you won't break or whether that just won't work.

I've been thinking this would probably be the way to go but it sounds too much like an ultamatum (which it is I guess). The problem with this though is that if she doesn't bend she will assume I decided to cheat and then our relationship could crumble even if I don't cheat. I really don't want to cheat cause I know I will feel like shit for doing that to her. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall.

toxic515 · 10-21-2003, 02:28 PM

Ultimatums are not ever a wise way to go. Never make a statement that you are not prepared to back up. Guilt is the result of failing to consider all of the possible outcomes of an action. Think carefully about this. Also, over time, with the proper direction, it's entirely possible that she might change her mind. For the moment, it sounds, frankly, as if there are other, deeper issues to be addressed in your relationship. Be open to the idea that YOU may need to modify some of your behaviors and thought patterns as well.

jerseyboy · 10-21-2003, 04:24 PM

IS sex really more important to you than the relationship? You've married this woman which is a life long committment. Dont throw it away over something so petty.

*Nikki* · 10-21-2003, 04:43 PM

I think it would be pretty selfish of you to sacrafice your marriage vows over anal sex.

cj2112 · 10-21-2003, 05:39 PM

Before I comment on this let me say that in no way do intend what I'm about to say as an attack, however I know no way to speak the truth other than plainly. Please take this in the spirit I intended, which is one of telling you what I see in hopes that you may be able to look at the situation in a different light.

Cheating is very selfish, you are considering not only risking the relationship, but also her health (the risk of std's etc.) for an evening of sexual pleasure. You made some promises to her married her, it is now time to be man and live up to your word. If you love her at all, and love is a verb (it requires action), you need to do some serious soul searching. She has made plans for her life based on your promise to love her forsaking all others. As her husband you have a duty to her to be faithful, not only because you promised to be, but because you have no right to place her health at risk, be it physical or emotional. Please think seriously about what I have said, you really do owe her that much.

pocon1 · 10-21-2003, 07:30 PM

On the other hand, he may not be able to commit to loving her fully if he does not find out know what he wants. My brother-in-law's father had five children and a twenty year marriage before he went gay. It might be nice to know these things now. If he never finds out the truth, it will eat away at him and may sour everything anyways. also, is it a man you want, or anal play? My wife has learned to give me what I want because she knows it is important to me. (anal play, not gay.("not that there's anything wrong with that", Seinfeld)). In return, I have to focus on what she wants, because it is important to her. If she won't shove a dildo in your ass because she thinks its gross, then you need to look at whether she will be tolerant of other behaviors down the line. His wife needs some give and take, too. And yes, I believe sex can wreck a marriage. You are asking him to be strong, but what about her? There are two parts to every relationship, and if she is not working to support him, then tht is a failure too. I am sorry this rambles, but I am up way too late.

analog · 10-21-2003, 10:44 PM

Love conquers all. In this case, love is not stronger than your desire for anal stimulation, so just how much love is there? If you can say you still love her, but are willing to deliver a deal-breaking ultimatum to her or worse cheat on her, you should look at your definition of love. Learn to accept her ways, and try your hand at slow progression, or you face the previously mentioned "slippery slope".

Also, keep in mind there may be a long-standing psychological factor that is what is affecting her steadfast anti-anal behavior. Often there is something as innocent as deeply-rooted beliefs instilled by parents or as harsh as abuse. Being abused in this way as a child could TOTALLY put her off of it for the rest of her life without some sort of therapy.

I hope you two don't have young children, because divorces always hit them hardest, and can affect the way they have relationships for the rest of their lives if they're young enough.

Good luck, and take care.

lee251968 · 11-07-2003, 11:45 AM

The simple answer is: tell her. If she says no, I think you have to abide by her wishes. Marriage sometimes involves sacrifices, and unless you discussed this before you got married, you're asking her to accept a fairly radical redefinition of your relationship that includes other people and excludes her. Ultimately it's your life and you're free to do what you want, but you have to accept the consequences for your relationship with your wife. If this - experiences with other men - is something you feel you really can't live without, and if she can't bring herself to accept it, it may be time to talk more seriously about dissolving the marriage. Please don't cheat on her. You both deserve better than that.

The sacrifice you talk about should work both ways. Should at least try the dildo thing. I am in the same situation. Over the past few years I have had more and more of an desire to experence different sexual situations. Maybe it is because that over the past few years our sex life has become routine and everything that I try to liven it up is rejected.

motdakasha · 11-07-2003, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mango
I've been thinking this would probably be the way to go but it sounds too much like an ultamatum (which it is I guess).

have you asked her if she's okay with you experimenting without her? she doesn't want to be involved, but does that mean she also won't give consent if you do it without her? try exploring options that don't require her involvement and see if she's okay with that. if she still isn't, i think you should respect her wishes.

skippy · 11-07-2003, 09:25 PM

Jerry Springer has an episode just for you... should you choose to call the show

I am crying here

OFKU0 · 11-07-2003, 10:02 PM

If you feel strongly about your intentions, and obviously your wife doesn't share in your beliefs, maybe it is time to move on.

Marriage in principle is a lifelong commitment as we are told, but really it isn't. Not according to the 60% who end up in divorce.

If you are contemplating cheating on your wife there obviously is a breakdown.If you are willing to sacrifice your marriage for superficial satisfaction, perhaps it is time you do yourself and your wife a favor and end your relationship.That way life can go on for both of you.

mew · 11-07-2003, 10:12 PM

Wow, I wish my bf would make suggestions like that. I would love to be in a MMF 3some. He actually flipped when I got near his hole. A little homophobic...I suppose. I say embrace your openess to experiment and try new things.
Tell you woman that if shes not intrested in at least trying one of your suggestions, ask her if you can play with someone who will-like a lover. Though not going behind her back. I have friends who do sleep with other people and love it.

curveedv8 · 11-07-2003, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mew
Tell you woman that if shes not intrested in at least trying one of your suggestions, ask her if you can play with someone who will-like a lover. Though not going behind her back. I have friends who do sleep with other people and love it.

You never know, she may actually be relieved that she won't be getting nagged anymore for bizarre sex acts! *tongue in cheek*

Rubyee · 11-08-2003, 07:44 AM

Yikes. Your post scares me in so many different ways. I hate reading things like this because it makes me think that I will never have a good marriage.

I will give you the best advice that I can, but keep in mind that I am not married, but hope to be someday.

Cheating is the most selfish, rude, and inforgivable thing anyone can do. You entered into a marriage promising yourself to only your wife, and she promised herself only to you. Cheating makes the victim feel small and insignificant, and I would never wish that upon anyone. Now, I know how it feels to be cheated on by a boyfriend, but I imagine that the feeling is much, much worse to be cheated on by a husband.

There is never a reason to cheat. I agree with whoever said that there must be other problems in the marriage that led to this. If there are, then do the kind thing and end the marriage before you cheat. Give your wife that much respect.

This point was made earlier, as well- I won't quote, because I don't remember who said it, but it was to the effect of this: How will you know what you want unless you try it? You may be missing out on something that you love. The analogy was made of a man who did not know he was gay until after twenty years of marriage. This is a very valid point. You may be missing out on something.

Counterpoint: It's true that you may be missing out on something. Or, you may not. It is the greener grass complex. If you are happy, why take the risk of ruining your marriage to find out if you like anal sex? That is a big risk, and it could be for nothing. I once had a boyfriend of three years break up with me because he had to see what he was missing. He wasn't missing on anything, turns out, and I wouldn't take him back for the world because of what he put me through.

Buy a dildo. Use it on yourself when she is not home. Try to talk to her again. I am sure, though, that if she had a request that you found ridiculous, you would expect from her what she has from you.

motdakasha · 11-08-2003, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rubyee
(A) Cheating is the most selfish, rude, and inforgivable thing anyone can do. You entered into a marriage promising yourself to only your wife, and she promised herself only to you. Cheating makes the victim feel small and insignificant, and I would never wish that upon anyone...
(B) This point was made earlier, as well- I won't quote, because I don't remember who said it, but it was to the effect of this: How will you know what you want unless you try it? You may be missing out on something that you love. The analogy was made of a man who did not know he was gay until after twenty years of marriage. This is a very valid point. You may be missing out on something.

(A) And this is why I never want to marry.

(B) There are also marriage relationships that have managed to stay together, even though the husband or wife realized he/she is gay. Divorce isn't the only solution, people.

Met22 · 11-08-2003, 12:31 PM

You ask and thay's it. It will either will be yes or no. Then you have a personal choice from that point forward. All have major risks involved. Understand you made a commitment to her, anything that you do that you don't choose together puts one out on a ledge. Realize what you have to loose as oppose to gain. Try other anal play first before you destroy your marriage.

biffy · 11-09-2003, 09:25 AM

accept the fact that she isn't like that and stop trying to force her beliefs out the window -- you'll fuck up the relationship by being so sexually out there if you keep trying to do that stuff with her

mydragonfido · 11-10-2003, 12:44 AM

My opinion your wife is not into that so get some anal toys for yourself to do in private. Sounds like she has made her mind up and you are not going to change that! Respect your wife and marriage and forget about it!

Poyzun_Ivy · 11-10-2003, 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mew
Wow, I wish my bf would make suggestions like that. I would love to be in a MMF 3some. He actually flipped when I got near his hole. A little homophobic...I suppose. I say embrace your openess to experiment and try new things.

See, because of these sorts of things I fully believe and support sex before marriage. It gets everything out in the open so that there are no unhappy suprises after everything is done, said, and official.

As for your problem (if it hasn't been solved already) you first need to decide what is more important to you: the sex or the relationship. That would really make a difference in which one you'd rather put into the background, and which you'd rather pursue.

Also, have you tried a "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" kind of a policy? If she can handle at least attempting one of your fantasies, you could easily oblige and try one of hers?

My $0.02...

-+ Ivy +-

Jizz-Fritter · 11-19-2003, 03:17 AM

Your patience in this matter is instrumental. This fantasy WILL NOT GO AWAY. Funny thing about life is, you always want what you can't have. You shouldn't cheat, but you still need to be honest with yourself. If you think you can slowly wear down her inhibitions, that is the best road to take. If you are five years down the line and she hasn't budged at all, you owe it to yourself to cheat.

Here's a good speech when you are at the end of your rope. "I love you, but there are things that I NEED sexually that you refuse to give me. I'm going to cheat on you PHYSICALLY. If you want to take a fast track to satisfying my fantasies, than I will glady start, but in the end I need to be faithful to myself. What's it gonna be?"

Cheating right now is not reasonable, but eventually it will have to happen, because you will want this MMF stuff for the rest of your life. Some people can deal with a life without satisfaction, others can't.

I agree from a previous post that some soul searching definitely needs to take place.

air45 · 11-19-2003, 11:03 AM

many lady have the dream of two man at once!

make this a surprise! invite the man to visit, then give her the glass of wine to make the wife feel warm and sexy.

then give her the surprise! she will like to have two stiff member for pleasure!

analog · 11-22-2003, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by air45
many lady have the dream of two man at once!

make this a surprise! invite the man to visit, then give her the glass of wine to make the wife feel warm and sexy.

then give her the surprise! she will like to have two stiff member for pleasure!

Poignant as always, air45. Quick to the point and always looking out for the pleasure of the ladies!

la petite moi · 11-24-2003, 04:46 PM

I think that you should discuss all your feelings about this. Tell her that she should trust you with her body. Say that if, after she relaxes when you actually can finally try it, she doesn't like it after the first time that you won't ever bring it up. Try showing her all your feelings, and most of all, ask her point blank WHY she's so closedminded and won't try it. There could be something in her past lurking that could make her feel uncomfortable to try something like this...

I dunno if that helped.

dragon2fire · 11-24-2003, 07:28 PM

If she is againist it i would stay away

threesomes ruin realtionships

If you were not married things might be different

Holo · 11-25-2003, 06:29 PM

Ok. Part of me says tell her your feelings and if she's inflexible to your sexual needs to go elsewhere. I believe that if you're gonna expect a person to be faithful to you you gotta be willing to take care of their desires or at least try within reason. At least you didn't ask for a Cleveland Steamer or something. I don't think a BiMMF isn't too terribly off the wall compared to what you could ask for.

If she says no then you gotta decide how bad you need this to complete and define your sexual horizons. If it means that much to you get a separation and go after it. That way you take the high road and free yourself from the obvious sexual tyranny you live under right now.You can't make cheating look moral or honorable. Cheating is just a way of having your cake and eating it too...it can't last and ends in nothing but pain and litigation. better to quit the marriage while you're ahead if this means enough to you. Personally I feel no partner should ever restrict another's sexual desires. If they can't deal with it like your wife and anal then they should allow that person to find it elsewhere with the understanding of safety.

10-21-2003, 07:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
Mango Banned	How do I tell my wife... I want to be part of a bisexual MMF threesome? She is very straight. I have tried to talk her into being the F in an MMF but she refuses. We have discussed Group sex, threesomes, partner swaps ... and she is not interested at all. Her view of anal sex is that it is gross beyond gross. She willnot even touch my asshole & she will not fuck me with a dildoe. So I am at a loss to tell her I want to try being with another guy.

10-21-2003, 08:04 AM	#2 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Well... it sounds like you've already discussed it with her and that she isn't interested. You said she has refused, so if you're a part of a MMF threesome, you'll be with 2 other people. She won't be involved, right? I dunno. If you've already discussed it with her and she's said no, where can you go with that? __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-21-2003, 08:11 AM	#3 (permalink)
mb99usa Keep on rolling. It only hurts for a little while. Location: wherever I am	Sounds like you are stuck dude. Unless you want to cheat and go behind her back, thus excluding her, it sounds like a dead topic. On a side note: Is this something that has just caught your attention? Have you always wanted to try an MMF threesome? I guess I'm just curious as to why you are married to someone who apparently does not share the same sexual tastes as you. __________________ So, what's your point? It's not an attitude, it's a way of life.

10-21-2003, 09:01 AM	#6 (permalink)
Dano069 is Nucking Futs! Location: On the edge of sanity	Yeah, I don't think you're gonna get it, my friend. My wife is open to just about everything, at least in theory. Since actions speak louder than words, she's been pretty damn quiet. I think you're outta luck. Sorry. __________________ I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.

10-21-2003, 09:13 AM	#7 (permalink)
mb99usa Keep on rolling. It only hurts for a little while. Location: wherever I am	I'm all for people being happy and doing what they want, but I'd be careful going the cheating route. You may open a can of worms you wish you hadn't. Dano - I had a feeling you'd find this thread. __________________ So, what's your point? It's not an attitude, it's a way of life.

10-21-2003, 08:11 AM	#4 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Um, I think you have, and she's said, <I>no</I>! If you were to try to tell her what you want, she might just find that repulsive, and not want you in her life? I think your options are, tell her, and try to explain to her why you feel the way you do, but this is a touchy subject for some, and she won't be thinking rationally, but emotionally. Just be truthful, and do not hide anything from her, if you do, then you would be at the curb foresure.

10-21-2003, 09:21 AM	#8 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	The simple answer is: tell her. If she says no, I think you have to abide by her wishes. Marriage sometimes involves sacrifices, and unless you discussed this before you got married, you're asking her to accept a fairly radical redefinition of your relationship that includes other people and excludes her. Ultimately it's your life and you're free to do what you want, but you have to accept the consequences for your relationship with your wife. If this - experiences with other men - is something you feel you really can't live without, and if she can't bring herself to accept it, it may be time to talk more seriously about dissolving the marriage. Please don't cheat on her. You both deserve better than that. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

10-21-2003, 12:28 PM	#11 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	i think a better option than cheating is telling her that you're so desperate you're thinking of cheating. then let her make the choice, whether she's willing to bend so you won't break or whether that just won't work. i'm a big fan of honesty in relationships. i think they call them SO's for a reason, and if you can't be completely honest with them who can you be real with? __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

10-21-2003, 12:34 PM	#12 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	I would keep working on her... By this I mean don't pester her constantly. I mean over the long term bring it up as one of your fantasies... Find out what her fantasies are help her to realize them... Perhaps get her to pretend with you that there is another guy there (have her use her fingers as a substitue cock in your mouth... you can work up to your ass later). Find "reputable" publications that detail the pleasure of prostate stimulation for men (i.e. let her know that while it might be "kinky" a lot of men find it pleasureable and it is normal). You may never get to the MMF but you might bring her around on anal play. The key is to be persistent but not overbearing. This may take years to bring to fruition. As for cheating... it is always an option. BUT! Remeber that there are always consquenses to your actions. You might get away with it and all will be good. You might like it and want more than you can safely participate in without getting caught. You might get caught on the first try... Just think through the risks with your big head BEFORE you decide to risk everything for sex. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

10-21-2003, 12:36 PM	#13 (permalink)
mb99usa Keep on rolling. It only hurts for a little while. Location: wherever I am	I think you are heading quickly down a slippery slope in this relationship. That you are even considering cheating is not a good sign. You can try talking to her again and explaining your feelings and motivations but it sounds as if the subject is closed in her mind. I don't even think the threat of you cheating will change her mind and if it does do you really want that to be the reason she agreed? Do you have the other parties already lined-up for this? __________________ So, what's your point? It's not an attitude, it's a way of life.

10-21-2003, 02:28 PM	#15 (permalink)
toxic515 Addict Location: Texas	Ultimatums are not ever a wise way to go. Never make a statement that you are not prepared to back up. Guilt is the result of failing to consider all of the possible outcomes of an action. Think carefully about this. Also, over time, with the proper direction, it's entirely possible that she might change her mind. For the moment, it sounds, frankly, as if there are other, deeper issues to be addressed in your relationship. Be open to the idea that YOU may need to modify some of your behaviors and thought patterns as well. __________________ Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

10-21-2003, 04:24 PM	#16 (permalink)
jerseyboy Insane	IS sex really more important to you than the relationship? You've married this woman which is a life long committment. Dont throw it away over something so petty.

10-21-2003, 04:43 PM	#17 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	I think it would be pretty selfish of you to sacrafice your marriage vows over anal sex.

10-21-2003, 05:39 PM	#18 (permalink)
cj2112 Unbelievable Location: Grants Pass OR	Before I comment on this let me say that in no way do intend what I'm about to say as an attack, however I know no way to speak the truth other than plainly. Please take this in the spirit I intended, which is one of telling you what I see in hopes that you may be able to look at the situation in a different light. Cheating is very selfish, you are considering not only risking the relationship, but also her health (the risk of std's etc.) for an evening of sexual pleasure. You made some promises to her married her, it is now time to be man and live up to your word. If you love her at all, and love is a verb (it requires action), you need to do some serious soul searching. She has made plans for her life based on your promise to love her forsaking all others. As her husband you have a duty to her to be faithful, not only because you promised to be, but because you have no right to place her health at risk, be it physical or emotional. Please think seriously about what I have said, you really do owe her that much.

10-21-2003, 07:30 PM	#19 (permalink)
pocon1 Banned	On the other hand, he may not be able to commit to loving her fully if he does not find out know what he wants. My brother-in-law's father had five children and a twenty year marriage before he went gay. It might be nice to know these things now. If he never finds out the truth, it will eat away at him and may sour everything anyways. also, is it a man you want, or anal play? My wife has learned to give me what I want because she knows it is important to me. (anal play, not gay.("not that there's anything wrong with that", Seinfeld)). In return, I have to focus on what she wants, because it is important to her. If she won't shove a dildo in your ass because she thinks its gross, then you need to look at whether she will be tolerant of other behaviors down the line. His wife needs some give and take, too. And yes, I believe sex can wreck a marriage. You are asking him to be strong, but what about her? There are two parts to every relationship, and if she is not working to support him, then tht is a failure too. I am sorry this rambles, but I am up way too late.

10-21-2003, 10:44 PM	#20 (permalink)
analog Banned	Love conquers all. In this case, love is not stronger than your desire for anal stimulation, so just how much love is there? If you can say you still love her, but are willing to deliver a deal-breaking ultimatum to her or worse cheat on her, you should look at your definition of love. Learn to accept her ways, and try your hand at slow progression, or you face the previously mentioned "slippery slope". Also, keep in mind there may be a long-standing psychological factor that is what is affecting her steadfast anti-anal behavior. Often there is something as innocent as deeply-rooted beliefs instilled by parents or as harsh as abuse. Being abused in this way as a child could TOTALLY put her off of it for the rest of her life without some sort of therapy. I hope you two don't have young children, because divorces always hit them hardest, and can affect the way they have relationships for the rest of their lives if they're young enough. Good luck, and take care.

11-07-2003, 11:45 AM	#21 (permalink)
lee251968 Upright	The simple answer is: tell her. If she says no, I think you have to abide by her wishes. Marriage sometimes involves sacrifices, and unless you discussed this before you got married, you're asking her to accept a fairly radical redefinition of your relationship that includes other people and excludes her. Ultimately it's your life and you're free to do what you want, but you have to accept the consequences for your relationship with your wife. If this - experiences with other men - is something you feel you really can't live without, and if she can't bring herself to accept it, it may be time to talk more seriously about dissolving the marriage. Please don't cheat on her. You both deserve better than that. The sacrifice you talk about should work both ways. Should at least try the dildo thing. I am in the same situation. Over the past few years I have had more and more of an desire to experence different sexual situations. Maybe it is because that over the past few years our sex life has become routine and everything that I try to liven it up is rejected. Last edited by lee251968; 11-07-2003 at 11:47 AM..

11-07-2003, 09:25 PM	#23 (permalink)
skippy Banned	Jerry Springer has an episode just for you... should you choose to call the show I am crying here

11-07-2003, 10:02 PM	#24 (permalink)
OFKU0 Junk	If you feel strongly about your intentions, and obviously your wife doesn't share in your beliefs, maybe it is time to move on. Marriage in principle is a lifelong commitment as we are told, but really it isn't. Not according to the 60% who end up in divorce. If you are contemplating cheating on your wife there obviously is a breakdown.If you are willing to sacrifice your marriage for superficial satisfaction, perhaps it is time you do yourself and your wife a favor and end your relationship.That way life can go on for both of you. __________________ " In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

11-07-2003, 10:12 PM	#25 (permalink)
mew Psycho Location: Canada	Wow, I wish my bf would make suggestions like that. I would love to be in a MMF 3some. He actually flipped when I got near his hole. A little homophobic...I suppose. I say embrace your openess to experiment and try new things. Tell you woman that if shes not intrested in at least trying one of your suggestions, ask her if you can play with someone who will-like a lover. Though not going behind her back. I have friends who do sleep with other people and love it.

11-08-2003, 07:44 AM	#27 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	Yikes. Your post scares me in so many different ways. I hate reading things like this because it makes me think that I will never have a good marriage. I will give you the best advice that I can, but keep in mind that I am not married, but hope to be someday. Cheating is the most selfish, rude, and inforgivable thing anyone can do. You entered into a marriage promising yourself to only your wife, and she promised herself only to you. Cheating makes the victim feel small and insignificant, and I would never wish that upon anyone. Now, I know how it feels to be cheated on by a boyfriend, but I imagine that the feeling is much, much worse to be cheated on by a husband. There is never a reason to cheat. I agree with whoever said that there must be other problems in the marriage that led to this. If there are, then do the kind thing and end the marriage before you cheat. Give your wife that much respect. This point was made earlier, as well- I won't quote, because I don't remember who said it, but it was to the effect of this: How will you know what you want unless you try it? You may be missing out on something that you love. The analogy was made of a man who did not know he was gay until after twenty years of marriage. This is a very valid point. You may be missing out on something. Counterpoint: It's true that you may be missing out on something. Or, you may not. It is the greener grass complex. If you are happy, why take the risk of ruining your marriage to find out if you like anal sex? That is a big risk, and it could be for nothing. I once had a boyfriend of three years break up with me because he had to see what he was missing. He wasn't missing on anything, turns out, and I wouldn't take him back for the world because of what he put me through. Buy a dildo. Use it on yourself when she is not home. Try to talk to her again. I am sure, though, that if she had a request that you found ridiculous, you would expect from her what she has from you. __________________ You don't know from fun.

11-08-2003, 12:31 PM	#29 (permalink)
Met22 Junkie Location: X-posed	You ask and thay's it. It will either will be yes or no. Then you have a personal choice from that point forward. All have major risks involved. Understand you made a commitment to her, anything that you do that you don't choose together puts one out on a ledge. Realize what you have to loose as oppose to gain. Try other anal play first before you destroy your marriage. __________________ Living on the west end dreaming of the theater playing in the Metropolis - Dream the Dream Live the Dream

11-09-2003, 09:25 AM	#30 (permalink)
biffy Upright	accept the fact that she isn't like that and stop trying to force her beliefs out the window -- you'll fuck up the relationship by being so sexually out there if you keep trying to do that stuff with her

11-10-2003, 12:44 AM	#31 (permalink)
mydragonfido Crazy Location: Louisiana	My opinion your wife is not into that so get some anal toys for yourself to do in private. Sounds like she has made her mind up and you are not going to change that! Respect your wife and marriage and forget about it!

11-19-2003, 03:17 AM	#33 (permalink)
Jizz-Fritter Crazy Location: Bowling Green, KY	Your patience in this matter is instrumental. This fantasy WILL NOT GO AWAY. Funny thing about life is, you always want what you can't have. You shouldn't cheat, but you still need to be honest with yourself. If you think you can slowly wear down her inhibitions, that is the best road to take. If you are five years down the line and she hasn't budged at all, you owe it to yourself to cheat. Here's a good speech when you are at the end of your rope. "I love you, but there are things that I NEED sexually that you refuse to give me. I'm going to cheat on you PHYSICALLY. If you want to take a fast track to satisfying my fantasies, than I will glady start, but in the end I need to be faithful to myself. What's it gonna be?" Cheating right now is not reasonable, but eventually it will have to happen, because you will want this MMF stuff for the rest of your life. Some people can deal with a life without satisfaction, others can't. I agree from a previous post that some soul searching definitely needs to take place. __________________ "Principle is okay up to a certain point, but principle doesn't do any good if you lose." Dick Cheney

11-19-2003, 11:03 AM	#34 (permalink)
air45 Loser Location: Midwest	many lady have the dream of two man at once! make this a surprise! invite the man to visit, then give her the glass of wine to make the wife feel warm and sexy. then give her the surprise! she will like to have two stiff member for pleasure!

11-24-2003, 04:46 PM	#36 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	I think that you should discuss all your feelings about this. Tell her that she should trust you with her body. Say that if, after she relaxes when you actually can finally try it, she doesn't like it after the first time that you won't ever bring it up. Try showing her all your feelings, and most of all, ask her point blank WHY she's so closedminded and won't try it. There could be something in her past lurking that could make her feel uncomfortable to try something like this... I dunno if that helped.

11-24-2003, 07:28 PM	#37 (permalink)
dragon2fire Junkie	If she is againist it i would stay away threesomes ruin realtionships If you were not married things might be different

11-25-2003, 06:29 PM	#38 (permalink)
Holo A Real American	Ok. Part of me says tell her your feelings and if she's inflexible to your sexual needs to go elsewhere. I believe that if you're gonna expect a person to be faithful to you you gotta be willing to take care of their desires or at least try within reason. At least you didn't ask for a Cleveland Steamer or something. I don't think a BiMMF isn't too terribly off the wall compared to what you could ask for. If she says no then you gotta decide how bad you need this to complete and define your sexual horizons. If it means that much to you get a separation and go after it. That way you take the high road and free yourself from the obvious sexual tyranny you live under right now.You can't make cheating look moral or honorable. Cheating is just a way of having your cake and eating it too...it can't last and ends in nothing but pain and litigation. better to quit the marriage while you're ahead if this means enough to you. Personally I feel no partner should ever restrict another's sexual desires. If they can't deal with it like your wife and anal then they should allow that person to find it elsewhere with the understanding of safety. __________________ I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince