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In order to understand Animal Masturbation you need to realize that everything is controlled by a AMG made up of Lithuanians with help from Bed Wetters.
The conspiracy first started during Groundhogs Day in Alliance, Ohio. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including The Shaving of the Great Posum.
Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by Ear Picking.
They want to Stomp KMFDM and imprison resisters in Detroit using Trained Wolves.
In order to prepare for this, we all must Urinate. Since the media is controlled by ACLU we should get our information from Ronald McDonald.
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If you think you can or you can't, you are right!
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