WarWagon

My girlfriend and I had been together for two years. She now attends college in CT (where I'm from originally), but I am now 11 hours away in Ohio.

Now, she was the only serious relationship I've ever had, and I definitely still love her, but I'm not sure if she's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted the freedom to date and such in college, but she wanted no such part of it. For several weeks she would call me every day, telling me how miserable she was, and how she does nothing but cry and mope all day. I found this to be VERY heartbreaking and depressing, as I want her to be able to enjoy college, and I was really picking up the vibe that if I was to see other people, then she'd rather break up, but she really didnt want to be the one to initiate it. So the other night on the phone, I broke up with her as gently as possible. I would only be able to see her a handful of times during the year for the next 6 years due to school and work, and I couldn't imagine making her miserable for the next 6 years. She's also convinced that there's no chance she'd ever have feelings or desires to date someone else, as she's VERY sensitive.

Now comes the part that makes me feel like a total jerk. By chance, another girl who goes to OSU's father worked with my father at UPS back in CT. I'd never met her, but she lived about 5 minutes away from me one town over. She was kind of upset that she didnt know anyone from CT, so I had my parents give her my number so we could get together and hang out. I met her once very briefly, and this past Monday night we went out for dinner, and oh man, I fell head over heels for this girl.

The attraction I have to this girl is MUCH more than physical. Everything that came out of this girl's mouth I could relate to, including some things that my old girlfriend would never do, including her hobbies (total racing and sports nut), and even just the general quirks that we both had. Now, I doubt this girl has any feelings for me (I dont actually know that, but I'm assuming so), but I absolutely cant stop thinking about this girl. I didnt want to seem desperate or anything like that, so I've only called her maybe twice very briefly, but I cant get her out of my head. I'm so lovestruck by this girl that I was actually awake for 64 consecutive hours, no matter how hard I tried, I could NOT stop thinking about her.

Now this is where things get really tough. My sister talked to my quasi-ex, and it seems my ex has had a change of heart and will probably want to not break up permanently, but we'd have the freedom to see other people.

I really don't know what to do. I still love my old girlfriend, and would do anything to keep her happy whether we're together or not, but I don't want her or anyone to think that she's a "backup" in case things dont work out with this other girl. On top of that, I feel absolutely terrible being so overwhelmingly attracted to this new girl, and even thinking about someone else so shortly after a breakup.

Am I a total jerk for wanting to see how things turn with my ex and I, while having fallen head over heels for this new girl? Should I just break things off with my old girlfriend, or should I not pursue this new girl? Should I gradually warm up to this new girl, or just tell her how I feel? I've never felt this way about ANYONE before, and I really don't want to ruin my chances of something ever happening with this new girl, but I don't think she'd ever feel the same way about me. My roomates tell me not to be so hard on myself, but I can't help but set myself up for disappointment as I really dont think I'm an attractive guy at all, and I have really low self esteem, whereas this girl is on the crew team and is an absolute knockout, and from what I've seen in a few short hours the greatest personality I've ever seen.

I really want to thank you guys for bearing through this, I've never been so confused about what to do in a relationship, and the members of this board are some of the most unbiased understanding people I know.