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i love the life you give the characters... the conversation is very good- i particularly like the assignment of places to names for easy recall, very nice touch. i'd definitely want to read this, and more of it.
if i may give one critique though, i'd say that you seem to shift tense a bit... past to present... but it doesn't seem that you're telling the story in the same tenses... i don't know, it throws it off a bit. i love it otherwise, please keep this up!
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