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Hmm, in practical terms, I would agree that it's whoever took the initiative.
However, I believe in conversation, it usually comes out as "I fucked her" or "I fucked him" depending on your gender/orientation. My best friend is a frickin' sex-o-holic, and he would never say "she fucked me". I think, that since one is usually describing the action they themselves took, it becomes a case of describer being the "fucker", for lack of better terminology.
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it's all about self-indulgence
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