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marcopolo · 09-09-2003, 01:27 PM

Amazingly, due to pressure from feminists, Guinness have been forced to publish a FEMALE version of the Guinness Book of Records. Here are a few excerpts:

CAR PARKING
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 63ft 2ins, equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs.Elizabeth Maguire,driving an unmodified Ford Fiesta on 12th October 1998. She started the maneuverer at 11.15am in Blackrock, Alabama and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumper of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp posts.

FILM CONFUSION
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th of October 2002, when Mrs. Bernadette Walsh sat down with her husband to watch 'The boys in the hood'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2mins 40secs before asking "Is he in the hood?". This broke her own record set in 1988 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of 'Where Eagle's Dare' before asking "This is a war film, is it?".

INCORRECT DRIVING
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 313 miles by Dr. Julie O'Dwyer at the wheel of a Toyota Corrolla on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. O'Dwyer smelled burning two miles into her journey but pressed on to Letter with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the right indicator flashing.

GARAGE SALE MASSACRE
The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a garage sale is 98, at a Church Hall in Temple, Indiana on February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in cost lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 1 dollar which escalated into a full scale mêlée resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The garage sale raised $ 5.28 for the local GAA club.

GOSSIPING
On February 18th 1992, Elaine Stanley, a close friend of Mary Power popped round for a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs. Power, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the postman. After Mrs. Stanley left at 2.10pm, Mrs. Power immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local IGA, several knitting circles, a coach-load of Japanese tourists which she flagged down and the postman's wife. When a tired Mrs. Power went to bed at 11.55pm that night, Mrs. Stanley's affair was common knowledge to a staggering 79,338 people, enough to fill a large stadium.

GROUP TOILET VISIT
The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Sales and Marketing Department of Melon Bank. At their annual Christmas celebration at a night club on October 12th 1994, Mrs. Julie Dowling got up to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later.

09-09-2003, 01:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
marcopolo I am the anomaly. Location: Motown	Guinness Book of Records - Female Edition Amazingly, due to pressure from feminists, Guinness have been forced to publish a FEMALE version of the Guinness Book of Records. Here are a few excerpts: CAR PARKING The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 63ft 2ins, equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs.Elizabeth Maguire,driving an unmodified Ford Fiesta on 12th October 1998. She started the maneuverer at 11.15am in Blackrock, Alabama and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumper of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp posts. FILM CONFUSION The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th of October 2002, when Mrs. Bernadette Walsh sat down with her husband to watch 'The boys in the hood'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2mins 40secs before asking "Is he in the hood?". This broke her own record set in 1988 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of 'Where Eagle's Dare' before asking "This is a war film, is it?". INCORRECT DRIVING The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 313 miles by Dr. Julie O'Dwyer at the wheel of a Toyota Corrolla on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. O'Dwyer smelled burning two miles into her journey but pressed on to Letter with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the right indicator flashing. GARAGE SALE MASSACRE The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a garage sale is 98, at a Church Hall in Temple, Indiana on February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in cost lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 1 dollar which escalated into a full scale mêlée resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The garage sale raised $ 5.28 for the local GAA club. GOSSIPING On February 18th 1992, Elaine Stanley, a close friend of Mary Power popped round for a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs. Power, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the postman. After Mrs. Stanley left at 2.10pm, Mrs. Power immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local IGA, several knitting circles, a coach-load of Japanese tourists which she flagged down and the postman's wife. When a tired Mrs. Power went to bed at 11.55pm that night, Mrs. Stanley's affair was common knowledge to a staggering 79,338 people, enough to fill a large stadium. GROUP TOILET VISIT The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Sales and Marketing Department of Melon Bank. At their annual Christmas celebration at a night club on October 12th 1994, Mrs. Julie Dowling got up to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later. __________________ Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.