(I got linked here by your other thread, incidentally)
Yeah, that's great - there's too much poetry about that sounds juvenile because it either apes the way the poet thinks poetry should sound, or is overwrought, or is composed of cliches that act as crutches for the true sentiment.
When I write, I favour the same method that you employ here: I consciously resist the pressure to say those things that other poets do; as you say, "I should say something sterotypical /
Like there being stars in your eyes,".
What's great here is that the content of the poem matches this style: resisting the pressure of a relationship while also resisting the conventions of poetry. I particularly liked the quite cutting, almost dismissive uses of 'darling', 'baby' and so on, which at the same time are clearly sincere.
In terms of criticism, I'd perhaps suggest that the effect would be more potent were the poem slightly shorter. I also dislike the occasional abbreviation of ''cause', and in the last line, 'I got' rather than 'I've got'. That may be in the first case correct and in the second case authentic, but they make it look like they were chosen for purely metrical purposes. To me, they just stick out and palliate some of the impact of the poem.
Nonetheless, a great poem - you said in the other thread that writing is your life, and I'm pleased to find that you've chosen well
