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I've lost all traces of physical fitness, so I can't turn back to running like I used to.
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You can't go back to physical fitness? Are you in a wheelchair? Confined to a bed? If not, then quit whining about that. You can
too get back into running if you choose to, it's just easier to sit on your ass and write moody works that mimic your outlook on life.
Want some advice? Go see a therapist. From 50% of what you've written, this girl makes you happy and you don't know how to deal with that. Lear how to deal. The whole
point of life is to try and be happy - as well as bring a little happiness to others.
So knock-off the whole schtick about only being "happy" when you're miserable. You're not happy....you're comfortable. There is a DISTINCT difference between the two. Try happy, start power-walking (which will lead - eventually - to running again) and if she makes you feel happy still then date her exclusively.
Why do I get the feeling that you're not even 21 yet?