|
Well, it's not so much my libido. That's really an excuse, and sort of one of the things that made me start thinking about the whole "open relationship" thing, which brought to mind why I broke up with her in the first place.
Prince, my writing is all I've really got anymore. I don't do coke, or have other drugs to fall back on anymore. I've lost all traces of physical fitness, so I can't turn back to running like I used to. Writing's really the only thing that I CAN do, anymore, that keeps me going. It's my priority. I hold it in higher regard than anything else, or anyone else. It's my drug, really.
The problem this causes is that... well, I'm an emotional sado-masochist. I'm only happy when I'm feeling shitty, and feel shitty when I'm happy. Sort of a role reversal. That's what how I write, by being miserable.
When I'm with her, I'm happy, and I lose the feelings of... well, feeling shitty (angry, outraged, irate, generally fucking pissed off, darkness, so on and so forth). So it makes it impossible for me to write. I can't deal with that.
So it's not so much the TIME that I spend writing, it's HOW I write that she... well, basically destroys.
|