CityOfAngels

GoldenOuroboros - Yeah, I've been thinking about the fact that she finally did come clean (even if it was after 5 months). But the fact remains: I'm hurt very deeply. As I said, when she and I were "fuck buddies", we made a pact to tell each other either before or right afterwards if we decide to have sex with someone else. Plus, throughout our entire relationship, I asked her about a million times if she had slept with anyone else besides the two she originally mentioned, and every single time she said, "No." She not only broke our pact but there's also a five month lie involved.
These lies are on top of many other lies. She had a friend (guy friend) who was buying her expensive clothes, shoes, and even roses. Well, the first I heard of this guy, she was talking on AIM with him and I asked who she was. She hesitated and said, "Oh, a friend from church." That hesitation made me ask again, "Tell me the truth. Who is he?" "Ok,...he's a friend from school." The very first thing she said about the guy was a lie.
Then this guy goes on and buys her expensive clothing and shoes, and she decides to choose him as the go-to guy for support whenever she and I had any disagreements. From what she told me, all he was doing was telling her how controlling I am and how she needs to get out of this relationship. I put two and two together: Expensive clothes, shoes, roses, telling her she needs to break up with me....This guy was out for one thing: Her pussy.
So, after asking her to promise to never hang out with this guy (which in a sense was wrong since it was holding down her freedom of choice, but I had to do something since I didn't even know the guy), I later find out that while I was at work, she was planning to go hang out with him and go shopping with him again behind my back. More lies.
Something tells me that she loves me for who I am, because she never complains when I'm broke; but then she jeopardized our relationship for a guy who bought her whatever she wanted. Something tells me she would never cheat on me because I know how much she loves me, but then a) she cheated on her ex-boyfriend whom she was very much in love with, b) she 'cheated' on me when we were fuck buddies, and c) she thrives on attention. When she's gone at Davis, something tells me she'll end up supplementing the attention I can't give her anymore with flashing guys, getting drunk at parties, and eventually going all out and physically cheating on me. What scares me even more is that she told me about this guy 5 months later; how long will it take for her to tell me about all of that? How long will I think our relatonship is peachy clean before I pop in a "College Girls!" porno and see her in a gangbang?
If you saw my girlfriend, you would be worried too. She's amazingly beautiful. How does that one song go? "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you."
So, two things still remain (I know I'm being slightly redundant here): I love her deeply; and I'm hurt deeply.
When she told me the heart-wrenching news, she saw how devastated I was. We were sitting in her car at the park, and after trying to hold and kiss me while crying at the same time (I couldn't even look at her at the time. I just wanted to end it right then and there), she left the car. After letting her walk a ways, I had to chase her down. She sat on the wet grass, crying, and told me how she doesn't deserve me; how I don't deserve to be treated like this. I love her, so I tried to comfort her; but she wouldn't let me. She was telling me that I should find someone who would be good to her, but I told her I'm not giving up on her just yet. After a little while, she finally gave in and let me hold her and comfort her.
I don't know though. I didn't want to make my decision right there, because I knew whatever decision I made would be hasty and rash. But every time I think about her and that guy, it hurts soooo bad. Last night I couldn't eat or sleep. I always thought that people who didn't eat or sleep were just being drama queens but now I know how it is. I'm truly devastated, and don't want anything like this to happen again.

I really appreciate all of your input on this matter.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.