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Agreed, it would sound good with musical backing, as would just about any good poetry (provided you found the right music to back it with). After all, that's the basic concept behind most lyrical music anyways.
But seriously, you find "a sense of actual poetry" just fine. Your rhythm is great, fast paced, ferocious... it doesn't just sound angry, it IS angry. It's rare that you'll see poems that can actually get you riled up, pissed off, and ready to stand up and FEEL exactly what the poem is. You managed to do that.
I'd say, for my part, that this is poetry with feeling and that you're entirely wrong about you not quite having it.
If this is your expression of self, then I'd like to see much more of you (especially your literary works).
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