Moment of Loss - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Memnoch · 08-25-2003, 08:44 PM

Anger supressed
Lashing
Killing
Thrilling
Me down to my very core
Hating
Screaming
Redeeming
The suffering of ev'ry sore

Kill me, kill me, kill me
I am surviving
Blood filling the room
Intoxicating
Hacking into you
You reek of my waste.

Even though you're dead
My eyes still see red
My hate, your death wed
All the things you said
Echo in my head
Beating me down.

Beating me down, beating me down
Without a sound
I rise from the ground
Falling, I'm not found
You don't care if I'm bound

This firmament is real.

J.R.V.A. · 08-25-2003, 09:13 PM

Wow pretty powerful. Thanks for sharing...

Jaron · 08-26-2003, 05:24 AM

Your work seems quite rough and unpolished, although (as JRVA said) quite powerful. The anger, the despair, the hatred, and every other emotion you manage to pack into that short piece... I recognize and remember feeling myself.

What you write about, Memnoch, is to a large extent true.

*applauds quietly*

Memnoch · 08-26-2003, 11:13 AM

Thanks to both of you for your comments. Jaron, you hit the nail on the head when you said it was unpolished and rough. Very true. I find that I manage to communicate my ideas through poems just fine, I just can't seem to get down any sense of actual poetry...though this piece is helped quite a bit if you read it at a quicker tempo.

sub zero · 08-26-2003, 11:21 AM

poetry!? duuudde... that would make a great great song. The way that first have rolls so smoothly off the tounge is awesome.

I bet someone like... korn would rock the house with that song.

I'd pay money to be in <i>that</i> moshpit -that's assuming the song has a lot of hardcore guitar in the background.

Jaron · 08-26-2003, 02:26 PM

Agreed, it would sound good with musical backing, as would just about any good poetry (provided you found the right music to back it with). After all, that's the basic concept behind most lyrical music anyways.

But seriously, you find "a sense of actual poetry" just fine. Your rhythm is great, fast paced, ferocious... it doesn't just sound angry, it IS angry. It's rare that you'll see poems that can actually get you riled up, pissed off, and ready to stand up and FEEL exactly what the poem is. You managed to do that.

I'd say, for my part, that this is poetry with feeling and that you're entirely wrong about you not quite having it.

If this is your expression of self, then I'd like to see much more of you (especially your literary works).

08-25-2003, 08:44 PM	#1 (permalink)
Memnoch Insane Location: Land of milk and honey - Wisconsin	Moment of Loss Anger supressed Lashing Killing Thrilling Me down to my very core Hating Screaming Redeeming The suffering of ev'ry sore Kill me, kill me, kill me I am surviving Blood filling the room Intoxicating Hacking into you You reek of my waste. Even though you're dead My eyes still see red My hate, your death wed All the things you said Echo in my head Beating me down. Beating me down, beating me down Without a sound I rise from the ground Falling, I'm not found You don't care if I'm bound This firmament is real. __________________ Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

08-25-2003, 09:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
J.R.V.A. Junkie Location: Utah	Wow pretty powerful. Thanks for sharing... __________________ And as she plays, her sweet song of laughter floats through the air and warms my heart

08-26-2003, 11:13 AM	#4 (permalink)
Memnoch Insane Location: Land of milk and honey - Wisconsin	Thanks to both of you for your comments. Jaron, you hit the nail on the head when you said it was unpolished and rough. Very true. I find that I manage to communicate my ideas through poems just fine, I just can't seem to get down any sense of actual poetry...though this piece is helped quite a bit if you read it at a quicker tempo. __________________ Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

08-26-2003, 11:21 AM	#5 (permalink)
sub zero Addict Location: The one state that doesn't have black outs: TEXAS BABY!!!	poetry!? duuudde... that would make a great great song. The way that first have rolls so smoothly off the tounge is awesome. I bet someone like... korn would rock the house with that song. I'd pay money to be in <i>that</i> moshpit -that's assuming the song has a lot of hardcore guitar in the background. __________________ Did you Google it yet? Join the TFP Typing team!!

08-26-2003, 05:24 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jaron Crazy Location: Hong Kong.	Your work seems quite rough and unpolished, although (as JRVA said) quite powerful. The anger, the despair, the hatred, and every other emotion you manage to pack into that short piece... I recognize and remember feeling myself. What you write about, Memnoch, is to a large extent true. applauds quietly

08-26-2003, 02:26 PM	#6 (permalink)
Jaron Crazy Location: Hong Kong.	Agreed, it would sound good with musical backing, as would just about any good poetry (provided you found the right music to back it with). After all, that's the basic concept behind most lyrical music anyways. But seriously, you find "a sense of actual poetry" just fine. Your rhythm is great, fast paced, ferocious... it doesn't just sound angry, it IS angry. It's rare that you'll see poems that can actually get you riled up, pissed off, and ready to stand up and FEEL exactly what the poem is. You managed to do that. I'd say, for my part, that this is poetry with feeling and that you're entirely wrong about you not quite having it. If this is your expression of self, then I'd like to see much more of you (especially your literary works).