Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

teknophile · 08-20-2003, 05:58 PM

Alright, I don't like to talk about this. Mostly because alot of people would most likely think I'm off my rocker.

I don't really dream, I haven't had what I would call "a dream" since I was a very young child. I guess what I do have would be classified as dreams, but I don't like to call them as such because personally they are so much more. When I do "dream" which is not very often, I have very vivid "dreams" I can fully see my surroundings they are crisp and colorful just like real life. I am not a floating entity, nor viewing the "dream" in a 3rd person view. It is like it is now, completely coherent as if I weren't asleep at all. But I will get to the point, I dream the future. When I dream it happens, not really a deja vu persa, but completely as it happened in my dream.

For example: I had a dream when I was about 15, we were in my girlfriends backyard, I could feel the dew on my hands from the grass, we were sitting in a circle talking. I remembered the conversation but I cannot recall it now. I knew hand gestures and laughs before they were coming, I knew what each of us was going to say before it was said (not a generalization mind you, I knew each word and sentence before it was spoken.) I remembered sharing my pepsi and throwing the can into her trash bin on the patio. I remembered the leaves blowing and me looking at them when it happened. Every single event that happened I had already experienced. COMPLETELY, nothing could be unexpected because I already knew it was coming.

Now what could I say? I was understandably upset the entire time but I couldn't show it. What would I say? how would they take what I would have to say? What if I were to do something? What if a decision I made somehow completely screwed up my future? What if upsetting a timeline I had already seen could destroy the timeline itself? I have no idea the answers to any of these questions. It scares me beyond words.

I am 20 years old now, and it still happens. This post is not a lie, I am not trying to stir the shit. This is the first time I have said anything about it. It has happened many many times (the example above is the one time it has happened that for some reason sticks out in my mind the most.)

With my current girlfriend I actually changed it once, but it scared me so bad that to actually change my line of the "script" if you will, I was crying horribly and stuttering so badly that she barely understood me.

I will recall the above situation as another example: It was 6 months ago and my son had just been born I had a "dream" (the dream was about 4 months prior to his birth, only in this dream I couldn't see something clearly for the first time, that was my sons face. she was holding him and no matter which way I turned I couldn't see his face because it was blocked by a bar from my bed.) that we got into an arguement and she broke up with me and went to leave. There was something in the lane outside our house and she slipped and hit my sons head on the open edge of the car door. he died. I awoke and wrote this dream off as possibly really a dream. Maybe my mind messing with me. Of course I couldn't believe that something of that effect would happen to me. Well I came home from work and we were talking and she said something that seemed familiar (which is how it always starts because I never remember the dream after a few days until the event happens, It always starts as Deja Vu). I say a familiar line, then it clicks. tears fill my eyes as I start to remember whats in the driveway waiting for my son. And I say my next line. I started trembling thinking again for the hundredth time what might happen if I were to break my imaginary rules. And I lose it, I can't let it happen. I change my next line. bawling and blubbering through it. I tell her that I love her and I don't ever want to lose her. I ask her to stop talking to me for the next few minutes. I had to break the cycle somehow.

Well everything was ok. I don't know how it would have really ended. But this whole situation really scares me.

If you have made it this far please do not flame me, or laugh at me. I am looking for closure. I need to understand why this happens to me. Am I the only one? Do any of you have similar experiences? I have to go to work so I am going to finally wrap this up, with what scares me the very, very most.

If I can "dream" the future ... Is my life predetermined? Does it really matter what I am trying to do with my life right now? Does it really matter if I am trying to better myself for me and my family? Is my life already written and the decisions not my own?

thank you
me.

08-20-2003, 05:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
teknophile Upright	Dreaming in Deja Vu? Alright, I don't like to talk about this. Mostly because alot of people would most likely think I'm off my rocker. I don't really dream, I haven't had what I would call "a dream" since I was a very young child. I guess what I do have would be classified as dreams, but I don't like to call them as such because personally they are so much more. When I do "dream" which is not very often, I have very vivid "dreams" I can fully see my surroundings they are crisp and colorful just like real life. I am not a floating entity, nor viewing the "dream" in a 3rd person view. It is like it is now, completely coherent as if I weren't asleep at all. But I will get to the point, I dream the future. When I dream it happens, not really a deja vu persa, but completely as it happened in my dream. For example: I had a dream when I was about 15, we were in my girlfriends backyard, I could feel the dew on my hands from the grass, we were sitting in a circle talking. I remembered the conversation but I cannot recall it now. I knew hand gestures and laughs before they were coming, I knew what each of us was going to say before it was said (not a generalization mind you, I knew each word and sentence before it was spoken.) I remembered sharing my pepsi and throwing the can into her trash bin on the patio. I remembered the leaves blowing and me looking at them when it happened. Every single event that happened I had already experienced. COMPLETELY, nothing could be unexpected because I already knew it was coming. Now what could I say? I was understandably upset the entire time but I couldn't show it. What would I say? how would they take what I would have to say? What if I were to do something? What if a decision I made somehow completely screwed up my future? What if upsetting a timeline I had already seen could destroy the timeline itself? I have no idea the answers to any of these questions. It scares me beyond words. I am 20 years old now, and it still happens. This post is not a lie, I am not trying to stir the shit. This is the first time I have said anything about it. It has happened many many times (the example above is the one time it has happened that for some reason sticks out in my mind the most.) With my current girlfriend I actually changed it once, but it scared me so bad that to actually change my line of the "script" if you will, I was crying horribly and stuttering so badly that she barely understood me. I will recall the above situation as another example: It was 6 months ago and my son had just been born I had a "dream" (the dream was about 4 months prior to his birth, only in this dream I couldn't see something clearly for the first time, that was my sons face. she was holding him and no matter which way I turned I couldn't see his face because it was blocked by a bar from my bed.) that we got into an arguement and she broke up with me and went to leave. There was something in the lane outside our house and she slipped and hit my sons head on the open edge of the car door. he died. I awoke and wrote this dream off as possibly really a dream. Maybe my mind messing with me. Of course I couldn't believe that something of that effect would happen to me. Well I came home from work and we were talking and she said something that seemed familiar (which is how it always starts because I never remember the dream after a few days until the event happens, It always starts as Deja Vu). I say a familiar line, then it clicks. tears fill my eyes as I start to remember whats in the driveway waiting for my son. And I say my next line. I started trembling thinking again for the hundredth time what might happen if I were to break my imaginary rules. And I lose it, I can't let it happen. I change my next line. bawling and blubbering through it. I tell her that I love her and I don't ever want to lose her. I ask her to stop talking to me for the next few minutes. I had to break the cycle somehow. Well everything was ok. I don't know how it would have really ended. But this whole situation really scares me. If you have made it this far please do not flame me, or laugh at me. I am looking for closure. I need to understand why this happens to me. Am I the only one? Do any of you have similar experiences? I have to go to work so I am going to finally wrap this up, with what scares me the very, very most. If I can "dream" the future ... Is my life predetermined? Does it really matter what I am trying to do with my life right now? Does it really matter if I am trying to better myself for me and my family? Is my life already written and the decisions not my own? thank you me.