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skysooner · 08-07-2003, 07:44 PM

What defines a "good marriage"?

To me, it means having your spouse as your best friend (or one of your best friends) who supports you through good times and bad. It doesn't mean you always agree with each other, but when you disagree it is not with animosity. You talk things out and reach a decision that both can live with.

Is there a "one right person" for each of us?

Absolutely not. There are many people you can be happy with, but generally you both have to be in the right place at the right time for it to work right. I would say there maybe just a few right people for us at the right times in their and your life.

How do you decide when to get married?

When you can't live without each other. This one is hard to explain, but my wife and I were unofficially engaged after 3 weeks. We have been married 12 years now and have the strongest marriage that we know.

What are you (or what should you be) willing to do to keep it?

Well you shouldn't have to knock yourself out to keep it, because if it has gone that far bad you didn't really work at it to begin with. The wife and I separated for 3 weeks about 7 years ago during a long term disagreement we had. We went to 3 different marriage counselors before we found the one that helped us the most. Once we figured out what the root of the problem was, it was easy to fix and has been reasonably easy since then. You have to work as hard as it takes, but there will come a time when it is unreasonable to go further. I have never reached this point, but I can imagine in the right circumstances (infidelity with malice) that the pain of being married would be worse than doing without.

Under what circumstances would you consider breaking up?

Infidelity.

If you had it to do over again, would you?

Absolutely.

If you would, would you do anything different?

I might have insisted we sleep together before the wedding night. Her being a virgin on our wedding night made that night and the whole honeymoon stressful as she did not go gently into that good night.

What advice do you have for all of the never-married folks on TFP?

Don't make snap decisions when you first meet someone. My wife and I kind of liked each other the first time we went out, but there were some issues that made me think we would never go out again. The 2nd date was when we really hit it off, and it went really quickly after that.

08-07-2003, 07:44 PM	#17 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	What defines a "good marriage"? To me, it means having your spouse as your best friend (or one of your best friends) who supports you through good times and bad. It doesn't mean you always agree with each other, but when you disagree it is not with animosity. You talk things out and reach a decision that both can live with. Is there a "one right person" for each of us? Absolutely not. There are many people you can be happy with, but generally you both have to be in the right place at the right time for it to work right. I would say there maybe just a few right people for us at the right times in their and your life. How do you decide when to get married? When you can't live without each other. This one is hard to explain, but my wife and I were unofficially engaged after 3 weeks. We have been married 12 years now and have the strongest marriage that we know. What are you (or what should you be) willing to do to keep it? Well you shouldn't have to knock yourself out to keep it, because if it has gone that far bad you didn't really work at it to begin with. The wife and I separated for 3 weeks about 7 years ago during a long term disagreement we had. We went to 3 different marriage counselors before we found the one that helped us the most. Once we figured out what the root of the problem was, it was easy to fix and has been reasonably easy since then. You have to work as hard as it takes, but there will come a time when it is unreasonable to go further. I have never reached this point, but I can imagine in the right circumstances (infidelity with malice) that the pain of being married would be worse than doing without. Under what circumstances would you consider breaking up? Infidelity. If you had it to do over again, would you? Absolutely. If you would, would you do anything different? I might have insisted we sleep together before the wedding night. Her being a virgin on our wedding night made that night and the whole honeymoon stressful as she did not go gently into that good night. What advice do you have for all of the never-married folks on TFP? Don't make snap decisions when you first meet someone. My wife and I kind of liked each other the first time we went out, but there were some issues that made me think we would never go out again. The 2nd date was when we really hit it off, and it went really quickly after that.