lurkette covered so much of this for both of us. One component of our marriage is that we VERY OFTEN think with a single brain about things...
<b>What defines a "good marriage"?</b>
People spend too much time thinking about questions like that rather than focussing on what's going to make them and their partner happy. Who the hell cares what defines a good marriage! You know it when you've got it, ok? And you know what it takes to have it. So go DO that! It ain't rocket science.
<b>Is there a "one right person" for each of us?</b>
No. Romatic notions like that are designed to make you upset, nothing more.
<b>How do you decide when to get married?</b>
I'll answer this one for myself, rather than on behalf of "us" (though lurkette basically already nailed the "us" answer).
I knew it was time to get married when, at a time in my life when I was facing big change, the one thing I couldn't fathom changing was my relationship with her. We were looking at graduating college. She was pretty certain she was going to go on to graduate school somewhere else entirely. Following her wherever she went was all there was for me to do, and when I saw <i>that</i>, I knew it was time to be married.
<b>What are you (or what should you be) willing to do to keep it?</b>
Anything and everything. I'll forgive just about anything. I'll revoke my right to any and all cherished notions of how things "should" be. I'll go to the ends of the earth, I'll turn myself inside out. I'll reallign my molecules from the bones out.
And I <i>have</i> done these things, and I <i>do</i> do these things and I <i>will</i> do these things, because that's what it is to BE in a life partnership. And anyone who's in a marriage or other life partnership that REALLY works and who says they DON'T treat it like this is lying to you or to themself.
<b>Under what circumstances would you consider breaking up?</b>
Under no circumstances that I can imagine. I'm 100% confident that we could survive anything. It might not be pretty for a while, but given the stuff we've already survived.....
<b>If you had it to do over again, would you?</b>
Well dunh.
<b>If you would, would you do anything different?</b>
I probably wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't made all the mistakes I've made. So no, given the choice, I'd probably choose to have stumbled around about the same way I did (and most likely <i>will</i>).
<b>What advice do you have for all of the never-married folks on TFP?</b>
Go get married. Marrying well is one of the most important things a man can do to impact the quality of his life.
<b>Insert your thoughts and quesitons here...</b>
Not much to add. Good thread! Thanks!