|
To start, I've been married for a little over 6 years. I was 22 and my wife was 20 when we were married. We have one kid, a girl who just turned 5 months old.
What defines a "good marriage"? Entirely depends on what you and your partner are looking for. Some people can have "good marriages" in a non-monogomous relationship. Others have different standards. For me, a good marriage is one with understanding, love, and the willingness to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work.
Is there a "one right person" for each of us? I don't think there is JUST one right person. Anyone who thinks that will likely go through life never satisfied with the person they are with, or never get married at all, as they will never find that person.
How do you decide when to get married? As I always explain to people who say "I can't imagine being married," you will know when you should get married. If you have doubts, then don't do it. But for me, knowing the right time to get married was like knowing you are in love. There is no finite answer that can be explained. My wife and I got (and still get) a lot of shit for being married "so young", but since we both knew it was what we wanted, what was the big deal?
What are you (or what should you be) willing to do to keep it? I think the reason for the high divorce rate is that it is very easy to run from problems in a marriage. Believe me, there were several times in the first year or so of my marriage that I thought "I can see why people get divorced." But I really believe that if you truly love each other, you need to be really stubborn about staying married and see all problems through. I recognize that there are some problems that aren't solvable (or worth solving), but many divorces stem from perfectly fixable (and temporary) problems. Also know that your life will never be the same as a married person as it was as a single person, so don't even consider that an option (same with having kids).
Under what circumstances would you consider breaking up? The only real thing that would make me consider divorce would be infidelity. To me, that would be such a huge breach of trust that I wouldn't be able to get over it. The thought of my wife sneaking around behind my back with another guy sickens me.
What advice do you have for all of the never-married folks on TFP? I'd reitirate the fact that if you have any doubts about getting married, then wait. I'm not talking cold feet on your wedding day. I mean if you stay up at night wondering if you've made the right decision. Don't get into something that you'll regret. Also, I reccomend living with your finace for at least a year before being married. You'll learn a lot.
Edited to add bold face and format better
__________________
"You can't shoot a country until it becomes a democracy." - Willravel
|