JRVA -- First, thanks for the feedback. Second, what about the excerpt gives you the impression that English is not my first language? (It is.)
Really, I'd be interested to know. I do try to word things in a non-standard way to make the narration more interesting, but maybe you're noticing something else.
Oh, and the dialogue is purposely modeled after the way native German speakers in my family tend to use English. That's why they say things like "Look over there once" instead of just "Look". I thought this might be better than just inserting untranslated words in italics, as many authors do. Possibly that approach isn't working...
Further thoughts would be more than welcome.
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