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Vaultboy · 07-25-2003, 05:38 AM

I have a slight conflict of interests, or at least that's what everyone tells me.....what do you think? I'd especially like the women on the boards to give an opinion

Ok, here's the situation: I work at a comp lab on campus. A couple of weeks ago, this girl came in to use a PC, and I stepped to her and asked if she would be interested in coffee and a chat. It was a gamble, being an "employee" asking a "client" out, but she's all that.

So yeah, we went for coffee and chatted, and here comes the dealio: She's still a first year student, and 4 years younger than me (I'm 22, she's 18) which is not a big deal to me, cuz she's really intelligent and witty. The problem is that she's going through that whole "I'm not studying what I want to be studying so I'm not really interested, so I'm gonna fail it" phase. I gather, in fact, thaty she doesn't really know WHAT she wants to be studying at all. Now all this is fine. You're supposed to be confused when you're eighteen. I know that. But I'm trained as a peer and career guidance counsellor for students as well, and I can't help but let that part of me take over. I'm especially not happy with her attitude of "fuck this year". It goes on your academic record, after all, and I further believe that no experiece is totally wasted.

So on the one hand, I'm trying to "get with her" (but she's also kinda seeing some guy at this stage) and on the other hand I'm trying to make her see that she shouldn't abandon her studies completely, even if she feels she needs to do some soul-searching (which I support).

Now my friends are telling me to let her go and grow up by herself and perhaps try again in a couple of years. I can do that, but I don't want to. But I get the feeling that perhaps I'm being too selfish. I'm also not sure if I purely just want to help her for her own sake, or if I have my own ulterior motives. (I rationalise this by arguing that she knows I want her, so my intentions in this regard must be altruistic, but I'm not convincing myself yet).

Being 18, she's still pretty impressionable, and I could probably end up moulding her to what I want her to be (either consciously or unconsciously). Plus they tell me that getting into a relationship and from the outset trying to "change" people can only lead to trouble.....what do you think?

07-25-2003, 05:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
Vaultboy Addict Location: Third World	Conflict of Interests.....need advice. I have a slight conflict of interests, or at least that's what everyone tells me.....what do you think? I'd especially like the women on the boards to give an opinion Ok, here's the situation: I work at a comp lab on campus. A couple of weeks ago, this girl came in to use a PC, and I stepped to her and asked if she would be interested in coffee and a chat. It was a gamble, being an "employee" asking a "client" out, but she's all that. So yeah, we went for coffee and chatted, and here comes the dealio: She's still a first year student, and 4 years younger than me (I'm 22, she's 18) which is not a big deal to me, cuz she's really intelligent and witty. The problem is that she's going through that whole "I'm not studying what I want to be studying so I'm not really interested, so I'm gonna fail it" phase. I gather, in fact, thaty she doesn't really know WHAT she wants to be studying at all. Now all this is fine. You're supposed to be confused when you're eighteen. I know that. But I'm trained as a peer and career guidance counsellor for students as well, and I can't help but let that part of me take over. I'm especially not happy with her attitude of "fuck this year". It goes on your academic record, after all, and I further believe that no experiece is totally wasted. So on the one hand, I'm trying to "get with her" (but she's also kinda seeing some guy at this stage) and on the other hand I'm trying to make her see that she shouldn't abandon her studies completely, even if she feels she needs to do some soul-searching (which I support). Now my friends are telling me to let her go and grow up by herself and perhaps try again in a couple of years. I can do that, but I don't want to. But I get the feeling that perhaps I'm being too selfish. I'm also not sure if I purely just want to help her for her own sake, or if I have my own ulterior motives. (I rationalise this by arguing that she knows I want her, so my intentions in this regard must be altruistic, but I'm not convincing myself yet). Being 18, she's still pretty impressionable, and I could probably end up moulding her to what I want her to be (either consciously or unconsciously). Plus they tell me that getting into a relationship and from the outset trying to "change" people can only lead to trouble.....what do you think? __________________ "Failing tastes of bile and dog vomit. Pity any man that gets used to that taste."