Quote:
Originally posted by denim
I don't see the problem with setting her straight: he's got to explain reality to her. If she has a problem with it, and can't be convinced to be realistic, he should break off the engagement.
Sex is non-trivial as far as I understand it. If she's so selfish as to deny him normal behavoir just because she's unable to play, he should understand that this is not the only way that selfishness will evince itself.
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You don't see how your viewpoint is just as selfish? The problem with "setting her straight" is that your viewpoint is apparently the only one that could possibly be right.
She shouldn't be made to do a damned thing. We all have things that we consider ok and not ok and you wouldn't appreciate anyone telling you you're fucked in the head for the things you're not ok with, would ya? They certainly need to talk about it and, hopefully, come to some agreements that make them both comfortable. If no agreement can be reached, parting is probably the best thing.
But she's not exactly wrong in her stance. She doesn't like it and she's told him so. "Deny him normal behavior" doesn't even apply just because
you think it's "normal." She doesn't and that's what matters to her. Working with her, asking her to consider different viewpoints, letting time and experience soften her a bit... might all help. But demanding she admit in an instant that her entire belief system around this topic is completely wrong is asking way too much. Of anyone.
Now, personally, I don't agree with her viewpoint at all and I think she's horribly repressed, but that's just the viewpoint from where
I am standing and other people shouldn't be required to live their lives by that.