viveleroi0

My fiance is pregnant and on bed rest due to a complication, everything should be fine as long as she doesn't overexert herself. We can't have sex because it's too active, and the doctors don't want anything else in her vagina to prevent any infection. So we can't do it.

BUT, she doesn't like oral, anal, etc anyway, just regular missionary sex. It sucks because now for six months we cannot have sex, and she says she feels cheated on if I were to wank (because I need to watch something to get through it). She won't let me watch her, years ago she found out I was wanking to porn, and we had a HUGE fight about it,

So... I'm stuck for the remaining four months and the last two months have been crappy without it.
I WANT MY SEX GODAMNIT!

thank you for listening, my rant is over.

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denim

That's ridiculous. You need an outlet. I suggest wanking elsewhere, and not telling her since she's being unreasonable.

Taliesin

And who's going to tell her?

Seriously, spanking it is not cheating, nor is looking at porn (imho).

bigoldalphamale

forgive me, but you're not marrying this girl are you? take the crack pipe out of your mouth now, before its too late and your dick falls off from years of neglect.

Taliesin

^^ Haha. Harsh but fair.

denim

Good point.

viveleroi0: you really need to set this woman straight NOW before it's too late.

Jim Kata

"she says she feels cheated on if I were to wank"

I would "cheat" all over her face for saying that.

edit: are hand jobs out of the question? I personally don't like em cause I can give them to myself, but if that was my only option ........

nowthen

Man, if you havent yet married and already your relationship is in this state, you really, really need to take a long hard look at things.

Remember a relationship is supposed to be 50/50, i.e. you both put in equal effort to make each other happy. She has to at least agree to work towards some middle ground.

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lurkette

Whew. Is this a mess.

And you're marrying her...why? And having children together...why? Did you not discuss the whole sex thing before hand? For one thing, she has some startling misconceptions about sex, but more importantly just from this one post it's clear that you're not sexually compatible. Everyone seems to want to blame her for being ignorant, but it took two people to get to this point without dealing with these issues and one of them was clearly you. Do you communicate this badly in the rest of your relationship?

If, for whatever reason, you are in fact committed to this relationship, you need to get to work right now.

1. Bed rest or no bed rest, you need to get couples counseling to work out some kind of sexual agreement. If you're committed to staying you're going to have to reach some kind of compromise. Find someone who'll do it on the phone or make house calls. You don't want to wait till you also have a baby in the mix to deal with this.

2. If it's the porn she objects to and not the wanking itself, you need to experiment till you find something else that works.

3. If it's the wanking she objects to...you're marrying her why?

I think you need to look long and hard at whether you can spend the rest of your life with this woman. I wouldn't count on being able to change her mind, and if that's the case, you're going to have to either live with her hangups, or lie to her to get around them, or be dissatisfied for the rest of your married life. I can't see this ending well.

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Donkeypuncher

Thank you for the first out-loud laugh of the day.

OK, denim's "set her straight" may be a little harsh, but I am in agreement with the intended spirit of the past few responses. It sounds like you two are on vastly different pages about at least one important thing... what else? I wouldn't exactly say she needs to be "set straight" but some agreements need to be reached, or you need to separate. Unless you like drama and misery. Then, uhhh... go for it. I also wouldn't say it's good advice to just go ahead and do it and intentionally not tell her, knowing it bothers her. That's as unfair as anything else might be.

Ya gotta work this out with her through communication, whatever the outcome. Have you talked to any of her friends about the topic? Has she? I know it's a little embarrassing, but this issue is going to reach far beyond just the next six months - if you're getting married, you've got a lifetime ahead of you with this woman. Best not to start sweeping issues under the rug from the outset...

edit: hahaha yeah. what she said ^^^

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Lebell

Lurkette said it best and I agree wholeheartedly with her.

You need to do some serious thinking RIGHT NOW.

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denim

I don't see the problem with setting her straight: he's got to explain reality to her. If she has a problem with it, and can't be convinced to be realistic, he should break off the engagement.

Sex is non-trivial as far as I understand it. If she's so selfish as to deny him normal behavoir just because she's unable to play, he should understand that this is not the only way that selfishness will evince itself.

Donkeypuncher

You don't see how your viewpoint is just as selfish? The problem with "setting her straight" is that your viewpoint is apparently the only one that could possibly be right.

She shouldn't be made to do a damned thing. We all have things that we consider ok and not ok and you wouldn't appreciate anyone telling you you're fucked in the head for the things you're not ok with, would ya? They certainly need to talk about it and, hopefully, come to some agreements that make them both comfortable. If no agreement can be reached, parting is probably the best thing.

But she's not exactly wrong in her stance. She doesn't like it and she's told him so. "Deny him normal behavior" doesn't even apply just because you think it's "normal." She doesn't and that's what matters to her. Working with her, asking her to consider different viewpoints, letting time and experience soften her a bit... might all help. But demanding she admit in an instant that her entire belief system around this topic is completely wrong is asking way too much. Of anyone.

Now, personally, I don't agree with her viewpoint at all and I think she's horribly repressed, but that's just the viewpoint from where I am standing and other people shouldn't be required to live their lives by that.

__________________
"take me down, little *Susie*, take me down
I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground"

Slims

She is your wife and has every right to expect you to be faithfull, but she has no business telling you that you can't masturbate.

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"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

bigoldalphamale

just like he has every right to expect blowjobs when her pussy is temporarily out of service.

smithja0423

I'd seriously be looking at this relationship under a microscope if your fiance thinks that masturbating or looking at porn or any combination therof is on the same level as cheating. That's absurd. How can she possibly control what you do with your body? Go in the other room and rub one out.

Apologies to those I may have offended.

denim

Well, duh. I wouldn't come right out and say it, though.

Seriously, no, I don't see how my position is just as selfish. Denying him the right to masterbate is ridiculous. I won't bend on that one. I would say that there's GOT to be a way to stimulate her also, but I don't know the exact situation. If that can't be done for some bunch of reasons, there's no reason for both of them to suffer. That would be selfish of her to insist on, and biologically not likely. He'll have wet dreams if nothing else.


I didn't suggest that she do anything, now did I? Well, other than accept the fact that he's gonna jerk off whether she likes it or not, so she might as well get used to the idea or drive him away right now.


It happens. I don't have that thin a skin. Depending on what the issue is, I might agree. Or not, and discount that person's position on that issue.


Sounds to me like we're in violent agreement here.


Long-term statistics do, though. It's normal. If she has a problem with it, it's her problem, not his.

True. What really bothers me is that she's already pregnant. They should have gone over this kind of thing very thoroughly earlier.

Not that I'm perfect about that. I'd rather do it than talk about it, but I can talk about it longer than I can do it...

Again, we're in violent agreement. The core problem, IMHO, is that she's pregnant.

Charlatan

I'm with Lukette on this... you need to start talking with her and/or start thinking about this relationship...

If you don't do it now you will be doing it in a few years only you will be WAY more resentful in a few years.

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Holo

Hate to say it dude, but get rid of her NOW. It will only get worse when she's your wife.

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I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince

Buk

Am I the only one here who feels sorry for the unborn child?

Potentially growing up in a broken home, or a very repressed atmosphere is not the way to live out your early years.

If you love her you have to straighten things out, if nothing else makes her see your point of view and gets a compromise I suggest playing the "unborn baby" card.

pixelbend

Sounds like she has some issues. Is she opposed to it from a religous standpoint?

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Cynthetiq

my friends were incompatible in the sex department...

she wanted to explore BDSM and he wasn't interested. He even gave her permission to experiment... it eventually lead to them get divorced and going seperate ways.... they are still friends..

IMHO you both need to state how you feel about it, and then find a compromise.

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