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darksparkles · 07-20-2003, 04:03 PM

i've seen how a lot of people get great feedback from posting about their crazy relationships on here, and you're all wonderful women so i'll give this a shot.

first of all, history: we've been together over a year and a half now. my boyfriend [billy] and i have weird sleep clocks so me calling him at 2:48 pm is actually a regular occurance, even when he has work in the morning because a lot of the time he's up getting drunk with his buddies. and he's bipolar, that's an important fact to know when looking at this.

i went to a mutual friend's band's show last night, which was fun. billy was going to come with me but backed out at the last minute because he was tired and hurt because no one that was going to be at the show had made any attempt to contact him recently, but he said that he loves me and for me to go ahead and go and have fun. he said to call me when i get home.

now, i had a bit of a history of obsessive-compulsive calling and panicking when i can't get a hold of him, but it'd been a year since i'd done it to the point of a whole lot of annoyance for him. first i called him when i was transfering busses, because i had a bit of a wait and i was downtown past 11pm and am a helpless female. his phone was off [he only has his cell phone because he doesn't want to pay two bills]. so i said oh well, left a message and eventually got on a bus and called him when i got home. his phone was off still but i followed what he wanted me to do and i left a message. an hour or so later i still didn't get a call so i called again and it rang, and i left another one. i ended up calling a total of 5 times, including when the phone was off, and leaving four messages out of worry and panic. the last call was at 2:48 [i remember the time because he repeated it a lot later.]

i still haven't gotten a call from him in the morning so i call him about when he's waking up. he's friendly when i first call him but then says that he has to get ready for work. i say ok and let him go. then i get a call around 5, 10 minutes later that's just him yelling at me for calling him that early and for calling him so damn much and what the hell do i want? that was resonably ok, i'd be pissed if someone woke me up a way i didn't wanna be woken up, too, but it still hurt. then he calls me around <b>2 pm</b>, twice, just to yell the same things over and over again about how i should <i>never</i> do that again and why the hell did i do it and why didn't i give him a chance to call me in the morning like i told him to in the last message, etc etc. and he called me woman, which he'd never done before in a serious context... and he mentioned that we'd been down that road before. it didn't seem to matter to him that that was a year ago.

i'm packing for a week-long trip that i'm leaving for tomorrow [we were gonna say goodbye today], and i pick up my cellphone and it has a message. evidently i wasn't answering the regular phone [i don't remember it ringing] and my cellphone was off [it just wasn't getting signal- it does that and he should know that by now.] he assumed i was "playing that way" and avoiding him. i hadn't been. then he says "have fun, i'll see you when you get back. bye." i try calling him back and he did a thing that he commonly does in arguments, the thing that bugs me the most - he picks up his phone and hangs up and doesn't even let me leave a message.

this time i had a mutual friend call him and leave a message with everything i wanted to say and an apology for sending a messenger, but i couldn't get a word in any other way. he still hasn't called me back.

he's like the little girl with the curl in the middle of his forehead- when he's good he's very very good and when he's bad he's horrid. and he was completely, totally good for the first several months. but when we're fighting, he's a total asshole. he's never hit me or anything like that, but he yells and yells and yells and doesn't like to let me get a word in until i'm speechless, and then when i don't talk he hangs up.

as for breaking up with him, which a few people have said i should do, i'm really confused. i think if i see him today and he's still like this, i might say that i want a break, because i really am having trouble taking this relationship. but then when he's very, very good, i just always see the relationship getting better, like he's going through a phase or something. i don't know if its connected with him moving out of his parents house and smoking pot every day or not, but that might be a big part of it, as the whole every-day part of it started around when he started doing this. maybe its messing with how he's bipolar, i heard something about how pot can switch it to type 2. but, if i see him again and he's nice, i know i just won't be able to do it. he's such a huge part of my life. he's my best friend, too... and i'm also worried that if i leave him that he'll be worse off, and that goes against all that i feel about love.

i'd just love any feedback that anyone has on this... new perspectives.

07-20-2003, 04:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
darksparkles Insane Location: Seattle	my boyfriend. i've seen how a lot of people get great feedback from posting about their crazy relationships on here, and you're all wonderful women so i'll give this a shot. first of all, history: we've been together over a year and a half now. my boyfriend [billy] and i have weird sleep clocks so me calling him at 2:48 pm is actually a regular occurance, even when he has work in the morning because a lot of the time he's up getting drunk with his buddies. and he's bipolar, that's an important fact to know when looking at this. i went to a mutual friend's band's show last night, which was fun. billy was going to come with me but backed out at the last minute because he was tired and hurt because no one that was going to be at the show had made any attempt to contact him recently, but he said that he loves me and for me to go ahead and go and have fun. he said to call me when i get home. now, i had a bit of a history of obsessive-compulsive calling and panicking when i can't get a hold of him, but it'd been a year since i'd done it to the point of a whole lot of annoyance for him. first i called him when i was transfering busses, because i had a bit of a wait and i was downtown past 11pm and am a helpless female. his phone was off [he only has his cell phone because he doesn't want to pay two bills]. so i said oh well, left a message and eventually got on a bus and called him when i got home. his phone was off still but i followed what he wanted me to do and i left a message. an hour or so later i still didn't get a call so i called again and it rang, and i left another one. i ended up calling a total of 5 times, including when the phone was off, and leaving four messages out of worry and panic. the last call was at 2:48 [i remember the time because he repeated it a lot later.] i still haven't gotten a call from him in the morning so i call him about when he's waking up. he's friendly when i first call him but then says that he has to get ready for work. i say ok and let him go. then i get a call around 5, 10 minutes later that's just him yelling at me for calling him that early and for calling him so damn much and what the hell do i want? that was resonably ok, i'd be pissed if someone woke me up a way i didn't wanna be woken up, too, but it still hurt. then he calls me around <b>2 pm</b>, twice, just to yell the same things over and over again about how i should <i>never</i> do that again and why the hell did i do it and why didn't i give him a chance to call me in the morning like i told him to in the last message, etc etc. and he called me woman, which he'd never done before in a serious context... and he mentioned that we'd been down that road before. it didn't seem to matter to him that that was a year ago. i'm packing for a week-long trip that i'm leaving for tomorrow [we were gonna say goodbye today], and i pick up my cellphone and it has a message. evidently i wasn't answering the regular phone [i don't remember it ringing] and my cellphone was off [it just wasn't getting signal- it does that and he should know that by now.] he assumed i was "playing that way" and avoiding him. i hadn't been. then he says "have fun, i'll see you when you get back. bye." i try calling him back and he did a thing that he commonly does in arguments, the thing that bugs me the most - he picks up his phone and hangs up and doesn't even let me leave a message. this time i had a mutual friend call him and leave a message with everything i wanted to say and an apology for sending a messenger, but i couldn't get a word in any other way. he still hasn't called me back. he's like the little girl with the curl in the middle of his forehead- when he's good he's very very good and when he's bad he's horrid. and he was completely, totally good for the first several months. but when we're fighting, he's a total asshole. he's never hit me or anything like that, but he yells and yells and yells and doesn't like to let me get a word in until i'm speechless, and then when i don't talk he hangs up. as for breaking up with him, which a few people have said i should do, i'm really confused. i think if i see him today and he's still like this, i might say that i want a break, because i really am having trouble taking this relationship. but then when he's very, very good, i just always see the relationship getting better, like he's going through a phase or something. i don't know if its connected with him moving out of his parents house and smoking pot every day or not, but that might be a big part of it, as the whole every-day part of it started around when he started doing this. maybe its messing with how he's bipolar, i heard something about how pot can switch it to type 2. but, if i see him again and he's nice, i know i just won't be able to do it. he's such a huge part of my life. he's my best friend, too... and i'm also worried that if i leave him that he'll be worse off, and that goes against all that i feel about love. i'd just love any feedback that anyone has on this... new perspectives. __________________ "I could be the walrus ... I'd still have to bum rides off people." -Ferris Bueller.